A Convoluted Perfection
by lautnerlover2
Summary: Bella: has a stalker. Name: Mike Newton. How to get rid of him? Pretend to date Edward Cullen. Edward: loves a girl who doesn't love him. Name: Tanya Denali. How to get her? Pretend to date Bella Swan. Who will crack first? Previously "AETLTWW"
1. Chapter 1

I sat in the cafeteria. Trying, despite the eyes burning in the back of my skull, to ignore the presence.

"Bella, seriously, just tell him to get a life." Alice demanded, not seeming to care whether he heard us or not anymore.

"Alice, I told you… I can't be mean. And even though its going past admirable…" I trailed off. I really had no clue what to do anymore.

I had a stalker. Plain and clear. His name was Mike Newton, and he was a menace to society. Well at least lunch and sixth period.

Last year had been my freshmen year. I was new and I didn't really know anyone in my lunch, except for a few acquaintances. I decided at that time, (the worst decision of my life) to sit with one of the girls in my Spanish class. Jessica was sitting there, giggling like there was no tomorrow, in front of a boy, who at that time, didn't look too bad with his blonde spiky hair and dull blue eyes, but he did seem a tad bit annoyed by her presence.

I knew that Jessica had a problem with talking to guys. Every time she stepped in front of a human with only one X chromosome, her brain circuits fired and the giggling commenced. Now normally this was funny, for me anyways, but today it just looked pathetic. So that day I decided I would kill two birds with one stone and help them out. I picked up my lunch tray and started my walk to the table.

"I'm sorry, Jessica has trouble talking to people with only one X chromosome." I smiled friendly as I sat down beside her.

She glared at me and I grinned back at her. During this exchange I failed to notice the gleam in Mike's eye at my sudden appearance.

And that was how it started. An innocent attempt to rescue him from the annoying clutches of Jessica had turned into a full-fledged obsession that was way past endearing anymore.

"You bet its going past admirable! Its been past admirable since last year. Do something!" She practically yelled at me.

Alice had recently found out about my situation, and had taken it upon herself to scope out the creepiness level of my stalker.

I guess it was pretty high. Not that I couldn't find that out myself.

"What do you suggest I do Alice?!" I whispered fiercely. I was done with open suggestions.

"It's easy," she said simply, "get a boyfriend."

Her words repeated themselves over and over again in my mind. The possibility that that would ever happen was close to zero. No one was interested, and what was I supposed to say? 'Hey um I have a stalker and I really need you to pretend to be my boyfriend so that he will stop staring at me incessantly during my lunch period.' Ha! Yeah, because that would work out so well.

"And how the hell am I supposed to do that?" I asked, baffled by the fact that she thought this would be like a walk in the garden.

"Its called asking Bella." Rosalie jumped in.

Rosalie had also accompanied Alice in their James Bond like efforts to crack the creeper Mike Newton. Unfortunately he was not an easy egg to crack, and now we were on plan B,

'Get Bella A Boyfriend: Stat'

"And who am I supposed to ASK?!" I was fed up and extremely embarrassed at just the thought of asking a guy to do that.

"How about that hott MUN guy?" Rose asked flippantly, as if it didn't really matter.

My eyes widened considerably and I practically choked on my drink.

"Excuse me?!" I choked out.

"You know… Cullen, I think his name is?"

"Edward? You want me to ask Edward Cullen out so that he can be my pretend boyfriend?" I asked. Trying to make sure she wasn't trying her hand at comedy.

"Yeah. He's pretty hot." She said.

There were many ways to respond to this comment. One way would be to whole-heartedly agree, then burn my mouth with sulphuric acid. Another would be to ignore the suggestion entirely. The last way would be to freak out. Completely and utterly freak out.

I chose the latter.

"NO WAY! NO WAY IN HELL AM I ASKING….NO!" I shook my head back and forth violently trying desperately to convey my feelings like a rational human being.

I think I was failing. Epicly.

I couldn't help it though! I had known Edward since second grade and despite my outward animosity towards him, I actually quite liked him, a lot. I covered it though with my outward notion that I thought he was a lazy, self conceited jerk, with no life. I almost made myself believe it actually. He really was self centered and lazy and had no life outside his academic club. But he was also kind, funny, and smart.

He was also the kid that hit me with a dodge ball and made my nose bleed in third grade…

Case dismissed.

"Just a suggestion." She said calmly though she was looking at me as though I had grown two heads and a tail.

"It was actually a pretty good idea…" Alice mused to herself.

"No WAY! Alice stop! He is practically my arch-enemy, and if you forgot he likes someone else! No way it could work in A THOUSAND years." I stressed, secretly relieved to have dispelled away this solution quickly.

"Yeah, but its not going so well for him either. And its not like you two hate each other, you just have a long history." She clarified for me.

"No Alice I'm pretty sure we aren't too fond of each other." I sighed. Arguing with Alice was like persuading a brick wall to move. I would become a bulldozer if I had to though.

She rolled her eyes and gathered her remaining lunch, then motioned with her index finger to follow.

"Bella, Mike is really creepy, and I know you don't like to hear this, but it might be the only way now." She whispered as we walked to the garbage can.

"What about another guy?" I asked desperately, "It doesn't have to be him!"

"Who else would understand though? What other guy are you friends with that isn't blatantly gay?" She asked disbelievingly.

"Alright none. But there has to be some other way to get rid of Newton."

"I don't see any other solution Bella, it's this or a restraining order."

"I don't see how he is going to understand." I muttered unwillingly.

Alice just smiled and shrugged, "I have a feeling he will."

I guess I was getting a boyfriend then. Whether I liked it or not.

**Okay so new story idea... Yes, no, maybe, so, I don't know?? **

**Tell me**

**Review :) awesome thanks!**


	2. Chapter 2

Edward POV

"Dude, the staring just creeps them out… Trust me." Emmett chewed into my ear.

I rolled my eyes and inconspicuously tried to wipe his ham and turkey sub off the lobe of my ear.

"He's right. It doesn't help that everyone knows that your obsession with her goes way past unknown anymore… You're trailing the sidelines of creepy stalker now Edward. Step it down a notch." Jasper nodded in agreement as he tried unsuccessfully to shake off his shaggy blonde bangs.

"It's not like she notices." I muttered to myself.

I had done everything I could possibly think of to woo this girl and to no avail I was coming up empty handed. It was beginning to seriously bruise my ego.

Her name was Tanya Denali and she was the most beautiful girl in our school. She had a golden blonde halo of hair and bright blue eyes that sparkled with laughter. She was intelligent and was overall just perfect. Yet I couldn't get her to even notice me. Even though we lived right next door to each other AND went to the same school for three years. Now that takes some effort, I had to give her some credit for that.

"Earth to Edward? Are you coming in? Houston I think we have a problem." I heard Emmett shouting at me.

I waved him off and slammed my head on the table in frustration.

"You okay Edward?" Jasper asked in concern.

"NO!" I groaned in pain, realizing now that maybe slamming my head on the table wasn't the best means of expressing my utter frustration and disdain.

"Hey, who are those chicks over there?" I heard Emmett ask curiously through his meal. As if he didn't have time to chew and then ask.

I was used to it though and so was Jasper.

We had been friends for as long as I could remember. We had been through it all, and now we were traveling through the ranks of high school, a perilous journey into the unknown. Yet I knew that they would always be there for me and I would be there for them. That was why they still ate lunch with me even though I was surely becoming know as, 'The guy that obsessed over Tanya Denali'.

"Who?" Jasper asked. I could feel them both shift in their seats to face the direction of interest.

"Those ones, they were just staring at us!" Emmett cried excitedly.

I rolled my eyes yet again. Sometimes we were just embarrassing.

"Wow such an accomplishment for us all huh Emmett?" I asked sarcastically while slowly lifting my head from the table.

"Psh! Not for you! You have girls practically falling at your feet for you, and you don't even notice them because you're too busy fawning over miss perfection over there." Emmett shook his head in disdain at me as if questioning where he went wrong in our friendship.

"I have to agree with Emmett again. You need a girlfriend man. Maybe Tanya will finally notice you if she sees your attention is not solely focused on you." Jasper said thoughtfully.

That was an interesting concept actually. I mulled the idea over in my head. If I got a girlfriend would Tanya finally notice me? And if she didn't; at least I would get my mind off of her complete ignorance of my presence.

"Who would I ask? Who's even interested?" I asked myself as the idea twisted and turned in my mind, making more and more sense.

"Ha! Anyone… But they would have to at least be good looking, and understand your situation before hand. Maybe someone who doesn't even really like you, getting a clingy, psycho girlfriend in attempt at acquiring another girl, would not be the best idea." Emmett said thoughtfully as he thought about the choices.

"Yeah, who do you know that would understand the situation, is a pretty good actress, and would be able to stay completely unattached throughout this 'relationship'?"

"I don't know… All the girls that I don't think would form an attachment have boyfriends and I don't think that their boyfriends would be too happy if I stole them away…" I shuddered away from the thought of super buff guys attacking me.

I wasn't necessarily weak or untrained in fighting, but some of those guys were seriously just scary looking. I wasn't afraid to admit that… to myself. Out loud was another matter… Definitely would do a number on my ego if I said it out loud.

"That blonde one… whew." Emmett whispered to us exaggeratingly wiping his forehead of mock sweat.

"I don't know, that black haired girl is pretty hot, I might even go as far to say… adorable." Jasper cringed at his vocabulary, "Go ahead, take away the man-card." He sighed in mock horror.

"Whom are you guys talking about?" I was confused at who they were ogling at, maybe the right girl was there…

"Those chicks over there!" Emmett pointed.

I glanced in the direction in which he was pointing and saw three girls leaned over a table in what seemed to be a serious conversation. One seemed to be a statuesque blonde with skin that seemed to glow, she seemed to be a bit too intimidating for my taste though so I moved over to the next girl who seemed to be jumping out of her chair in anticipation and excitement. She had short black hair and looked to be small to the extreme, as if she had to stand on the table to be able to see her friends. Again just not my type, a little too hyperactive. I shifted my eyes over to the last girl who seemed to be angrily shaking her head at some part of the conversation. She had dark mahogany hair and a pale skin that seemed to glow… She had the demeanor of someone who would not take no for an answer yet could seal herself up in a shell at any time. I stared at her a bit longer; she was familiar…

That's it! Bella Swan, the girl from second grade… I think I hit her with a dodge ball. She was fierce and stubborn, and was definitely a good actress when she wanted to be. I remember the time she convinced my friend to believe that goldfish were extinct and if he ate the last one they would be gone forever.

Oh, she had brains too.

The only problem was that she didn't seem to like me. At all. In fact I think that my overall presence just bothered her.

Perfect.

I smiled with satisfaction. Now I just needed to convince her that this was for the greater good.

"Why are you smiling like Tanya Denali actually acknowledged your presence on this earth?" I faintly heard Jasper question.

"Because I just figured out the who… now I have to figure out the how."

Just then the small girl and Bella stood with their lunch trays and slowly walked towards the garbage can. I could see the small girl lean in persuasively as if trying to convince Bella of something.

Bella looked at the girl warily, and after a staring contest she nodded her head slightly. The girl jumped up in joy and smiled in excitement while turning around and heading back for their table.

Bella stood where the small pixie looking girl had left her in a daze. She looked as if she was convincing herself of something.

I was curious as to what...

"Dude what the hell are you talking about?" Emmett asked. I turned to him and saw his eyes questioning my sanity.

I rolled my eyes in exasperation.

"The fake 'girlfriend'" I made air quotations with my hand over the word girlfriend, "I know who I can ask... The question is how will I convince her of this..." I pondered to myself of this predicament and figured the best way to ask was over the internet.

Facebook it is then.

"I think he's finally lost it." Emmett whispered loudly. As if I was oblivious to the rest of the world. I inwardly rolled my eyes yet again and sighed at my friends antics.

"I think he lost it a long time ago man, a long long time ago." Jasper whispered back.

"I can hear you. And strangely I don't care."

"It's the possibility of the future man, Tanya Denali leaning on your arm, kissing you, hugging you..." Emmett trailed off.

"No, that's the reality of the future man. I'm just one small little portion away now."

I looked back to Bella, sitting at her lunch table with her friends, her head in her hands as if already realizing she was going to be a part of this plan whether she liked it or not.

'Just one small portion, and Tanya Denali will be yours.' the small voice in my head encouraged quietly

Hello Bella Swan.

**A/N: Oh My God... I am so sorry to people who are reading this... Life has been hectic as I know most of you know. It's no excuse, but it's all I've got. Hope you continue to read this; the updates will hopefully come a bit sooner than last time.**

**THANK YOU to reviewers! I'm glad you like it because this story really is half based off of what happened to me. Except I didn't have Edward Cullen to pretend to be my boyfriend... Unfortunately I only had a stalker. *sigh* **

**Well REVIEW**

**and i do have a quick question... since i am new to the whole writing thing, am I supposed to reply back to reviewers? Is it a nice sentiment? I don't really know and it would be nice if someone clued me in! :) Thank you anyways if you did read my entire rant... Usually I'm not like this.**

**Review, Review, Review! Next Chapter is Bella's POV of the conversation via facebook**

**We'll see how Edward's persuasive skills are... teehee**


	3. Chapter 3

Bella POV

I stood by the garbage can in awe. How could such a tiny person be so… threatening? I shook my head to rid myself of the current situation at hand. It wasn't like it was actually going to happen. There was no way that Edward Cullen would WANT to be my fake boyfriend when it was only helping me out in the end. I mean if I really wanted him to be I am sure that I could persuade ('Cough cough' threaten) him into doing it. I didn't want to though, so I hyped myself up for it, 'Okay, you will ask in the most non-embarrassing way…if there is one, he will say no, you will say okay, and then you will have tried so Alice and Rosalie can't hurt you, and you don't have to go through with the situation. It's a win win!'

I thought the pep talk had worked. Suddenly though, as I stared at my computer at the end of the day, it didn't seem as bright.

'What the hell are you getting yourself into?'

'I don't know…'

'I have a really bad feeling about this.'

'I'm sure you do! You're my freaking conscience! All your feelings are bad unless I'm freaking saving the darn planet!'

'No need to snap.'

'Sorry.'

And this is what happens when you stare at a computer screen too long.

"Whom are you apologizing to?" I swiveled my head quickly and caught my mom smirking at me.

"Nothing." I muttered looking downwards at my carpeted floor.

She raised her eyes in question.

"Your blushing Bella just spit it out." She said eagerly.

My mom was always looking for the latest dirt at school and time and time again I would disappoint her with the mundane happenings of my sophomore year, now I had something worth telling, yet there was no way it was escaping my lips, making it into her ears, which would ultimately make it into her brain.

We all knew that I would never allow such tyranny to occur, so I did what I do best,

"Oh you know, just my life falling to shambles… nothing new there." I cried, taking the sarcastic route and even adding a dramatic sigh at the end.

"Really? Do tell!" my mother skipped in, protruding my sacred little bubble of space.

"I was just kidding mom." I said as I heaved my tenth sigh in the last eleven minutes that I had been staring at my computer.

She raised her eyebrows in confusion.

"Really mom I was just going to catch up with some friends on facebook." I gestured towards the screen as evidence of my activities.

She groaned in frustration.

"Sometimes." She muttered before galloping out of my room.

I rolled my eyes and smiled at my mothers antics.

My mother was an odd creature, and sometimes I wondered how I came to become the person I was with her practically vibrating body of energy and forgetfulness that, I swear, if her head was not connected to her body, she would lose in less than ten seconds. Her presence was comforting though, and I took pride in the fact that most of the time I knew what she was thinking before she did. I suppose if it came to looks though, she would have me beat. She almost glowed with her energizer bunny energy, and her smile would sometimes beat the sun... If we ever saw the sun that is.

My father on the other hand, was the spitting image of me, and while I should have been more comfortable around him, it always seemed as though the air was laced with tension when it was just us. The awkward silences were immediately lifted as soon as my mother danced into the room. While my mother was definitely the one to snoop through my empty text message inbox, my father would be cringing at the mere sight of my phone which would lead to my personal life, which might lead to the dreaded topic... boys.

'Hi, Welcome to Facebook.' It read.

"More like welcome to your complete and utter demise." I moaned quietly to myself.

I looked up again and this time I took my hand and reached for the mouse in determination.

I had officially signed on.

'Half way there'

'Shut up.'

I really needed to stop having inner arguments with my conscience. One day I would need it.

"Welcome Bella Swan." I read aloud as I scanned my eyes over my homepage before something unusual popped up in my sight.

In my notifications, it said I had one friend request.

I clicked on it excitedly.

"Edward Cullen has friend requested you."

What the hell? I racked my brain for something that might have alerted him to my presence this year, and came blank.

To accept or ignore is the question I must ask I suppose…

"Whatever." I muttered before clicking the accept button.

Five seconds later, I was in for another shock.

_'Hey' _came up with a little chat room icon. At the top of the box read the name of the person.

Edward Cullen.

What. The. Hell?

I stared at the simple one syllable word for about one minute.

'_Hi?'_ I responded

'IDIOT! This should NOT be hard! For Gods sake that was why the backspace key was invented for!' My conscience screamed in frustration.

'And what exactly was its purpose?' I asked petulantly while waiting for a response.

'To NOT make people look like idiots!'

'Oh…' Luckily though I didn't have enough time to contemplate this because he responded which resounded in a ding from my computer.

_Edward: Lol_

What the hell does one respond to that? I needed an idiots guide to facebook chatting.

_Edward: Listen…_ he began.

I scrunched up my eyebrows in confusion.

_Bella: Yes?_ There that sounded normal! I think I was actually getting the hang of this!

_Edward: Would you be willing to do me a favor?_

A favor? What could he possibly want from me?

_Bella: What kind of favor?_

_Edward: Um…_

It looked like I wasn't the only one having trouble communicating via facebook. Maybe I could make some serious cash off of the 'Facebook chatting for Dummies' book.

_Edward: Well… I don't know… It's odd… and confusing. You have to promise me you won't freak out though._

Freak out? His favor was going to freak me out… It couldn't be nearly as bad as what I needed from him though, so I told him to proceed.

_Edward: I really like this girl, as you might have heard since it seems to be going around the school. She doesn't know I exist though, and if she does, she doesn't seem to want to acknowledge my presence. So I was wondering…_

Finish the sentence! I waited and waited for the end where he would tell me exactly how I was involved in this little predicament of his and yet it never came! What was he wondering? Did he want advice?

_Bella: I don't understand…_

I voiced my frustration at his lack of being able to complete a freaking sentence.

_Edward: Okay… This is where you have to promise not to freak out._

I rolled my eyes.

_Bella: I'll try my best_

Seriously though, what was the worst thing he could want?

How very wrong of me it was to ask such a thing when his favor, was so much more.

_Edward: Um… What would you say to pretending to be my girlfriend?_

I blinked, and I blinked again. Not allowing the words to pass through into my brain. I was sure that my eyes and figure had frozen in whatever position I was in before he had blurted out the most ridiculous and unexpected question. Except the most ridiculous part of this situation was that I wanted the same thing in return.

How does one go about saying this though?

'Sure I'll be your fake girlfriend, because guess what?! I wanted to ask you the same question! Except you know… To be my boyfriend.'

I'm sure that would go over splendidly! Not.

So I continued to stare at the last sentence and not allow the word order of the particular sentence to compute.

But wait. Was this a joke? What if he was mocking my plan? How would he have found out though? The only people who knew were Alice and Rose. I doubt they would say anything to anyone…

_Edward: You're freaking out aren't you?_

_Bella: I'm pulling myself together… I tried my best to respond with shaking fingers._

_Bella: Why are you asking me?_

I needed to know. I wanted to know how it ended up that he was the one asking for a fake relationship.

Edward: Well, for one, you detest me.

_Bella: You realize that makes no sense._

_Edward: Lmao. Well obviously if you don't really like me and my plan succeeds the I won't fee bad about 'breaking up' with you._

Selfish inconsiderate jerk.

_Bella: Why the hell would you think that I would want to even PRETEND to be in association with you?_

I was angry at his obvious lack of consideration for other people.

_Edward: Ouch :) that was harsh._

I rolled my eyes for the second time during this odd conversation.

_Bella: I only speak the truth_

Another minute went by and I wondered if he was collecting his argument. Little did he know that I was already on board.

_Edward: Can I have your phone number? This might be easier to discuss that way._

I was shocked yet again at his bluntness and the pure surprise that a guy was asking for my number. Not under the circumstances in which I thought it would be, but I guess you take what you get sometimes.

_Bella: Um okay… 504- 6307_

As I typed the code that would telephonically connect me to him, I tried to keep the elation and slight nauseous feelings at bay.

_Edward: Thanks_

Before I could respond though, my phone vibrated with an unknown number that I was 98.5% sure was Edward. Therefore when I answered I sounded a bit hesitant.

"Hello?"

"Don't sound so scared!" I heard him chuckle that annoyingly overconfident laugh and gritted my teeth together from saying something stupid.

"Well excuse me for not knowing you number and being cautious as to who it was! It could have been some crazy forty year old stalker guy who was able to track the phone call as soon as I answered!" My voice growing in pitch towards the end of my argument.

I was not a chicken.

'I beg to differ.'

'Shut your mouth.'

"Bella?" I heard him question as I tried to tie and gag my inner voice who seemed bound and determined to make me look like a fool today.

"Oh! Sorry… just zoned out there." I let out a nervous laugh.

"Well I was just saying that there has to be something that you want or need that I could help you with."

I barked out a laugh about how dead on he was.

"Well there is something…" I trailed off unable to continue as I didn't know how I was going to put this without inflating his ego to the size of China's population. Everybody knew he was already half way there.

"Yes?" he said impatiently. I could practically hear him tapping his foot.

"I have this problem… with a person." I said a bit reluctantly. I mean it's not everyday that you tell someone that you have a crazed stalker. Granted Mike was not 40 years old, but he was close to being that creepy.

"Okay…" I could envision him gesturing me to continue my wish that would ultimately grant him what he wanted.

"Do you know Mike Newton?" I decided another route to lead to where I was headed.

"I know him." I heard Edward grunt in what I could only depict as dislike.

"Well um… he is my uh… stalker." I said as quickly as possible.

"Say again?"

"Mike Newton is stalking me." I said much more clearer in a an attempt to hurry along the conversation that might just stain my face a permanent pink.

The silence on the other end of line though was deafening.

"I need him gone… Now."

Finally there was some sort of sign that Edward had not dropped dead in the minutes passing as he responded with an, "Okay…"

"And," I took a deep breath preparing myself, "You're kind of the only guy I know that isn't blatantly gay, so I was wondering if we could work this situation both ways maybe?" I rapidly fired off my explanation waiting for some sort of response.

"I see." I could feel his smirk through the phone and it irritated me to death.

After a minute of waiting for a response that only resulted in more awkward silence on my part, I took out the shovel I seemed to be using a lot lately, and continued to dig deeper into my grave of humiliation.

"Are you going to say something or what?"

"Well I don't know what you want me to say other than this is extremely ironic." He chuckled humorously.

"How about an answer." I replied dryly. I was in no mood to kid around.

"Yes obviously."

Yes. Yes. Yes. His answer repeated itself over and over in my head like an echo.

"So… what do we do now?" I asked awkwardly while swinging my phone cord around, careful not to send it flying into my eye like times before.

"I think that it's time to hatch out some details."

And just like that I had a boyfriend, and a hell of a mess ahead of me.

**A/N: Okay for starters, I AM SO SORRY! These past few months have been so stressful and have resulted in the remaining energy that i contained, to be lazy. So there is the excuse BUT i promise that the next chapter will be out MUCH faster! Because... GUESS WHAT?! Thanksgiving is almost here and that means 5 days to please the people who have not given up on me or begun to write my eulogy! **

**ALSO! IMPORTANT NEWS!! Reviewers will now receive a sneak preview of the next chapter which is going to be Edward's POV of this odd little convo and the events that take place afterward!!! **

**So I know it's selfish of me but in retrospect i am actually a very selfish person who loves reviews like a stalker loves google or a fat kid loves cake**

**soooo...**

**REVIEW! PLEASE! :) and I PROMISE the next chapter will be up in the next two weeks!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Okay, this is in fact, a new version of this chapter, with some new sentences, and some sentences deleted :) Read on if you would like.**

Edward POV

Sitting by my computer, I quickly set out to start my plan. I found her easily, sat back and hoped that maybe she would be like a normal kid and go on the Internet as soon as her backpack thudded to the floor.

I tried not to think about what I was about to do. Hopefully if I turned my brain off the possibility of rejection that could loom in the future, it would never happen.

"Yeah right…" I sighed as I willed to see a notification that she had accepted my friend request to appear.

After my epiphany of sorts at the lunch table, I had observed Bella Swan the rest of the day. Looking for any sign of want, something I could use to my advantage. To no avail though, I saw nothing.

Her character seemed shy, and hesitant. I observed no signs of unrequited crushes, or anything of the sort, and as weird as it may sound, she just seemed content in her pattern of life.

That scared the hell out of me.

Weren't teenagers supposed to be selfish, want everything under the sun, and only think of themselves? Through my observations though, I saw nothing of the sort, and if this behavior was any indicator to her normality… well I was screwed. If I was supposed to make Tanya jealous, or even just notice me, how was it going to happen if the girl was not… normal?

Hopefully my readings were wrong and she would prove to be easier satisfied, than what I was led to believe.

I rolled my eyes at the thought.

As if any of my observations of people had ever been wrong.

It wasn't that I was being cocky either. I just had enough evidence to show that I had the gift of reading people. Never were my readings incorrect, or inaccurate.

Never.

Bella Swan seemed to be the frustrating exception to this though, as I knew that what I found couldn't be right. No one was selfless at this age. She seemed so content though throughout the day, the only sign of discomfort that I saw was at lunch, when she looked as if she was being put through the Spanish inquisition.

As well as noticing her behavior though, I found that her actions spoke for themselves more than her words. Or lack of them I should say.

Her demeanor seemed almost turtle like, as her hair acted as her shell of comfort through embarrassing situations, that I found occurred more often than not. She appeared fragile, yet at the same time rough.

The girl was a paradox, and as much as I hated to admit it, I had a strong surge of curiosity to find out what I couldn't see.

During my musings, I had failed to notice the pop up of my notification box, and jumped as I saw she had accepted, and was still online.

This was it.

Was I ready?

No.

I needed to be though so I clicked on her name and quickly typed, 'Hey'

One minute of agonizing torture later her response came through with a ringing sound that echoed throughout my room.

_Bella: Hi?_

Hi? Why did she have a question mark? This girl was continually frustrating me. It's why I hated speaking via the Internet. In fact I despised it. I couldn't look at their facial expressions or decipher their tone as they spoke. Making my gift practically useless.

With Bella though, I wanted to groan and moan in agony, as my 'gift' already didn't seem to work in person, so the Internet just seemed to increase the lack of reading.

I couldn't understand her, and that made me tense.

So I responded the only way I could, with the standard 'Lol'

There was no response from her, as no one ever seems to know what to say to that.

Lol is almost like a discussion closer, and after the person sends the acronym, an awkward silence emanates from the computer. Obviously Bella was following the pattern of most when 'Lol' is sent, just not responding at all.

It was then that I decided that I would need to push this little conversation along…

_Edward: Listen…_

What the hell? Listen? Really? When did I become the epitome of idiocy? How do you 'listen' through a computer? She was going to think I was an idiot. God this would never work.

I moaned and once again today, slammed my head against my computer keyboard.

"Sweetie?" my mother's voice came through my slightly opened door.

"Yeah?" I groaned without lifting my head.

She chuckled and I barely heard her lilting steps as she approached me.

"Are you alright? You seem a bit distressed." A worried tone entered her voice as she neared the end of her sentence.

"Yeah I'm fine, just you know, going through an early mid life crisis."

I could practically feel her eyebrows raise in confusion and a bit of humor.

"Well, if you want to talk about it, you know I'm here."

"Kay." I sighed, knowing how much I did not want my mother to know of this entirely confusing situation, that seemed to have entangled my life in a wee four hours.

I was such a girl.

Not that my mother would judge me for that. In fact she probably already has her suspicions that I'm gay.

Nonetheless though, I waited to hear her walk out of the room, and once the coast was clear, I lifted my sore head back up to the computer screen of torture.

Bella still hadn't said anything and it appeared as if she was actually waiting to listen. I chuckled humorlessly as I imagined her leaning towards her computer, as if sound would be drifting through her speakers at any moment.

_Edward: Would you be willing to do me a favor?_

I wasn't lying. This request could be seen as a form of a favor. A large, and somewhat convoluted favor, but a favor nonetheless.

She wasn't an idiot though, and her response to my question seemed almost calculated.

_Bella: What kind of favor?_

How do I respond to that though? What kind of favor was it?

_Edward: Um…_

Um? Um? UM?? I was really hitting up the idiocy corner here. I might actually win the race of idiots.

I briefly took the moment to ponder what the hell had happened to my brain. How was I supposed to convince this girl, who seemed to be content with what she has, to be my girlfriend when I can't even form a coherent sentence, and now words.

One benefit of this sudden disappearance of my intellect though was that it didn't appear I had anything left to lose. It would be to my advantage if I didn't have time to type and retype my thoughts. If I could only call her…

Too bad Bella Swan didn't seem to be the type of girl who liked to talk on the phone.

_Edward: Well… I don't know it's odd… and confusing. You have to promise not to freak out though._

Although it was a given that she would "freak out" I still felt the need to give her a warning. I suppose it was the least I could do.

I mean… I did hit her with a dodge ball in the third grade.

That surely didn't help in my favor.

_Bella: Okay…_

I took that as a sign to proceed, and proceed I did.

_Edward: I really like this girl as you might have heard since it seems to be going around the school. She doesn't know I exist though, and if she does, she doesn't seem to want to acknowledge my presence. So I was wondering…_

I didn't complete this particular sentence for a reason. I wanted to see how she would respond to this, maybe if she understood before I had to tell her, I wouldn't have to put down my manliness and beg for her to bend to my wishes.

Of course, she seems to be continuing her pattern of doing the opposite of what I would like, may it be karma or another force, as she did not understand what I was practically spelling out for her.

It looked as if I was going to have to say it.

I cautioned her once more not to freak out, as I knew she would need to be braced for this coming force of my "favor".

She promised me she would try, though I'm not sure if the extra caution only served her to panic even more than before. I took a deep breath, closed my eyes, and typed out exactly what I wanted from her.

'Please don't freak out, please don't freak out,' I pleaded inwardly as I baited my breath for her response.

It had been five minutes that her side of the conversation was left un-held, and my patience was wearing thin. I did not have time for this.

I would need to handle this delicately though.

_Edward: You're freaking out aren't you?_

_Bella: I'm pulling my self together…_

That wasn't a rejection. She just said she was currently trying to handle my question. So far, the cards were in my hand.

_Bella: Why are you asking me?_

The dreaded question. Could I respond to this and still sound sane?

'I think you already lost most of your sanity in the last 10 minutes.'

'Gee, thanks.'

The voices needed to shut up, now.

_Edward: Well, for one, you detest me._

_Bella: You realize that makes no sense._

Yes, yes I did.

Again I smiled in satisfaction that she still had not necessarily rejected me.

_Edward: Lmao. Well obviously if you don't really like me and my plan succeeds, then I won't feel bad about 'breaking up' with you._

'Well that made you sound like the perfect jackass.'

'She's really going to agree now.'

Shit. When the voices, and myself, began to agree with each other I knew I was in deep crap.

First I hit her with a dodge ball and make her nose bleed. Then I tell her I don't really care about her, just getting rid of the guilt after our 'relationship' is over.

Luckily, this sputtering of words allowed me to see another side of the enigma of Bella Swan.

_Bella: Why the hell would you think that I would want to even PRETEND to be in association with you?_

Bella Swan had spark.

_Edward: Ouch :). That was harsh._

However, the timetables of the conversation needed to be completed and the smartass comments just didn't squeeze into my master plan.

I guess someone didn't forget the dodge ball incident.

_Bella: I only speak the truth._

She was skirting around a definite answer, and it was not going unnoticed. I needed this though, and I needed her, so I would have to pull the charm out. Because now, I wasn't stopping at anything.

_Edward: Can I have your phone number? This might be easier to discuss that way._

Like a band-aid, quick and easy.

She seemed hesitant with her answer, as if a guy had never asked her for her number.

This surprised me, because even though she was no Tanya, anyone could see the potential in her big brown doe eyes and pale, luminescent skin.

While pondering these observations, I quickly dialed her number, wondering for a split second if she gave me a false number.

I wouldn't put it past her.

It rang, and rang, until a soft, but almost melodic voice picked up. Sounding almost frightened.

"Don't sound so scared!" I chuckled, my ego growing a tad that she sounded… nervous.

I guess my laugh sounded a bit too overconfident as she spurted out a counterargument as to why she was nervous. All she did though was add to the evidence that she was, indeed, nervous.

'Hm. That's odd… do I think that's… adorable?'

My eyes widened at this piece of information, but I shoved it to the dark recesses of my mind for further evaluation so I could pay attention the crucial conversation.

As she faded off though, an awkward silence began to hover and I briefly wondered if she would hang up on me.

"Bella?" I asked hesitantly, letting a bit of my impatience to push this conversation along, into my tone.

However, I was left with a silent buzzing sound resounding in my ear from the other end of the line.

'Maybe if I just start talking she'll listen.'

"So, I was wondering if there was anything you wanted, you know in return for helping me out…" I trailed off and waited as patiently as possible for her to respond. At this point it seemed I would accept a grunt.

I uttered her name again, attempting to call her back from wherever she had disappeared to.

"Oh! Sorry… just zoned out there." She laughed nervously.

"Well, I was just saying that there has to be something that you want or need that I could help you with." I reiterated.

Something. Just give me a clue, anything will work.

But then, she laughed. Was laughing a good thing or bad? I didn't quite know in the situation we were sitting in at the moment.

"Well there is something…" She trailed off. Not completing the most important part of the conversation yet.

My leg bounced with anticipation and when she didn't answer right away I shoved her for an answer. To which she provided me with one.

"I have this problem… with a person." She seemed almost petulant to give me an answer, and I wouldn't have that. I guided her again to complete my increasing curiosity.

She answered with a question, and inwardly I fumed. The name she had spoken though, might have added to the growing fire of impatience.

"Do you know Mike Newton?"

"I know him." I grunted reluctantly. Though God knows, how much I didn't want to know him.

Then she said something that made me fall out of my chair in surprise, and shockingly, grow more irritation for the boy.

"Well um… he is my uh… stalker."

Silence. My hatred towards Newton grew. I always knew he was creepy. I mean who eats crayons in fifth grade.

I needed some confirmation though, because I honestly didn't know how this related to our situation at all.

"Say again?" I asked hesitantly

"Mike Newton is stalking me." She pronounced the sentence slowly as if speaking to a kindergartener. She sounded as if this was not something she liked to discuss.

So I was right in my assumption that she was shy.

Edward: 1 Bella: 0

This mini inner victory though was tainted with my confusion. Was I supposed to get rid of Newton? Did she want me to punch him? Maybe threaten him? It brought a smile to my face imagining these possible situations.

Her cutting, impatient voice broke through my fantasies of pummeling Newton until he cried though.

"I need him gone. Now."

Again, I didn't exactly know my role. Did she want me to kill him? Because surely that would not help in the long run, to my acquisition of Tanya. I was pretty sure she didn't want a delinquent as a boyfriend. Though maybe my arrest would finally get her to notice me…

I shook myself out of my stupor that I was finding myself in a lot lately.

"Okay…" Hinting at my still apparent confusion.

Then the angels began to sing, and I was sure that this had to be a dream, because her answer, her reasoning, her acceptance, the utter fate of this situation, could not be real.

"And," I heard her take a deep breath, as if she were preparing for something epic, "You're kind of the only guy I know that isn't blatantly gay, so I was wondering if we could work this situation both ways maybe?"

I smiled victoriously, and put the phone down briefly to raise my fist to the air in triumph. I might have even briefly attempted to do the touchdown dance.

"I see." I answered, still grinning ear to ear.

The silence from both ends was deafening, but I didn't have words to express my joy that this convoluted plan might just work out.

I guess she had an impatient manner as well, and was unsure of my answer.

Wasn't I the one that had asked her of this fake relationship in the first place though? Shouldn't my answer be obvious?

I guess I will never understand the workings of the female mind.

"Are you going to say something or what?"

"Well I don't know what you want me to say other than this is extremely ironic." I chuckled at fates hand in this situation.

Thank you, God, Buddha, Spirits, or even Karma.

"How about an answer?" She replied sarcastically. I could already tell this relationship would be fun.

I rolled my eyes.

"Yes obviously."

"So… what do we do now?" She asked awkwardly, as if she couldn't believe this had worked out as well.

"I think it's time to hatch out some details." I smiled and got out a pen and a piece of paper.

After a night of working out the finer points of our plan, I got Bella to open up to me a bit more. I asked her the questions I would need to know if we were to pull this thing off. Obviously we both knew it would be a lot of work and there would be a 65% chance that it wouldn't work at all. But we had nothing to lose, and so here we were, officially a 'couple'.

Luckily, we had five days of Thanksgiving break to form a sort of connection that didn't seem to be based off of hatred. So we had decided to meet up at my house today, so we could practice.

At one o' clock on the dot, Bella arrived with a notebook and pencil in hand, as her mother smiled brightly while waving energetically from the drivers seat.

Bella rolled her eyes and shrugged her shoulders as if asking what else could she do.

I took a moment to pick out the similarities between Bella and her mother. While Bella's shy demeanor coincided with her plain pick of attire, her mothers neon tie-dye t-shirt seemed to scream never-ending energy. Suddenly all I saw was her, and a drum marching in a circle.

"Have a great time Bells!" Her mother winked, and just as she started to pull out of my driveway shouted, "Nice to meet you Edward!"

I heard Bella groan and turned to meet a blush form in her cheeks.

It was almost adorable…

Something I could work with? Possibly.

"So…" She shifted lightly from one foot to the other, and for the first time I noticed what she was wearing.

She had on a light blue tank top and jeans, along with gray converse. I grinned when I noticed we matched.

Perfect. This couldn't have worked out more splendidly.

"We can work out back if you want." With that I led the way out to the patio, and plopped myself down in a chair with a large sigh.

"Okay," she sighed heavily as well before plopping down in a chair opposite of mine, "First of all, what's your plan on attracting Tanya?"

Well she was blunt, I would give her that.

"Well… uh I don't really know, I guess, just make her jealous?"

She looked at me as if waiting me to finish my sentence.

"What?"

"You can't just make a girl jealous! There has to be some sort of cause, action, something to make her notice you at least. Because I mean, you even said she doesn't seem to know you even exist. How do you plan to make her envious if she doesn't even know you?"

"I don't know!" I cried defensively. I hadn't really thought it through, because lets face it, Bella accepting was a huge hurdle overcome on its own.

"Well, give me some ideas on what you think could get her to notice you. For example what have you attempted to use to woo her, so to speak." She asked as she curled her legs underneath her and pulled her long hair back into a ponytail.

"Um… well, I offered her some space in my locker to put her books and stuff. And uh… I gave her a rose?"

She raised her eyebrows at me and looked upon me with almost a condescending stare as she waved her pen slowly back and forth in small circles in the air.

"What?" I asked defiantly.

"You need some serious tips on how to get a girl." She pointed out, as if it was a common fact.

I lifted my nose slightly in the air, my manhood was not about to be flushed just yet.

"And what exactly do you propose I do?"

"It's time for boot camp: My way."

I snorted and let myself believe that this couldn't be bad at all. I mean, what was the worst thing she could do?

Oh how wrong I was, how wrong I was.

I was soon to learn that girls were vindictive creatures spawned from Davy Jones, and Karma, yeah, Karma was a bitch.

**A/N: okay so your probably looking at this chapter saying, i thought that my notification said she updated?? Well, I edited... and hehe**

**surprise! I am alive...**

**The next chapter should be coming in tomorrow, but I'm not making any more promises. *sigh* Life's a bitch, so yeah... it sucks from time to time.**

**Tell me what you think of the new edition of this chapter, if you know, you don't hate me anymore...**

**Should I re-do the other chapters too? I was thinking about it, though I like the first one so I might keep it that way. The other one's I will probably add a little spunk here and there :) **

**So I'm done rambling for now... please don't hate me for being the world's most horrible updater :(**

**Until next time (which hopefully will be tomorrow. Cross your fingers)**

**Love always,**

**Lautnerlover2**


	5. Chapter 5

Bella POV

He was such a naive little boy. I could practically hear him think to himself that there wouldn't be any damage to come of my boot camp.

However, I decided that there would be no doubt in his mind that bad things were to come when I showed up at his doorstep at five in the morning with my tracksuit on and a suitcase full of the necessary materials, along with a shiny new whistle that I had splurged on just for the occasion.

Unfortunately for me, I hadn't quite thought out the minor details of the plan until I arrived at his home after my father dropped me off on his way to the station. Perhaps it would have been possible to improvise in the car, but the interrogation my father had instigated as soon as I was safely under the protection of the seat belt, and the car had begun to move deemed it impossible. He had started to ask the questions, questions I wasn't necessarily prepared, or willing to answer. Questions such as these:

"Who is this boy?"

"Um… a boy from school…?"

"You don't know?"

"N-no I… I do," at this point I began to feel the sweat pile upon my brow, as if the spotlight was shining on me in a cold, damp, interrogation room. Staring into the cold eyes of the policeman, trying to save some of my dwindling self-preservation. "He's a boy from school."

"Name."

"Edward." I purposefully left his last name out of the answer. Please God, my father does have access to records, and he knows how to work the Google search engine, don't let him notice the lacking piece of information.

"Last name too Isabella." His voice was stern, and he kept his eyes on the road.

Shit. He was good at this.

I took a deep breath and quietly sank in my seat a bit as I uttered what would be incriminating evidence, and possibly Edward's demise.

I hadn't even gotten rid of Newton yet.

"Cullen."

"Hm."

Silence emanated everywhere and I knew, somehow my father was recording this information. Maybe he had even installed a video camera in here to record my every movement, so he could then dissect it piece by piece.

Therefore, for this reason, I was standing on the Cullen porch, my suitcase held in my sweaty palm, and whistle waving back and forth across my chest from my race to get out of the stuffy police cruiser, staring stupidly at the door, and breathing heavily because obviously I'm out of shape.

'What the hell am I going to-'

"Bella?" I looked up from my inner dialogue to find Edward's mother, looking quite disheveled in a silk robe and hair slightly sticking up in places where hands might have found their home.

Oh shit cakes on a cracker, I just interrupted some quality time with the doctor.

I wonder if Edward hears them…?

Focus.

Right. Sorry.

"Uh. Yeah, it's me. Sorry for coming at such an early hour." I bowed my head in shame.

"It's alright dear," she smiled sweetly at me, though I could just imagine her cursing me out if she hadn't gotten to the dessert before I arrived, "May I ask why you're here though?"

"Um… Edward and I are working together on a project and my mother is with my grandmother because she isn't feeling well, so the only way I could get here was by mode of my father and he goes to work at this time, so…yeah." I finished my convoluted and complex lie awkwardly as I shifted my weight from one foot to the other.

The number one rule to telling lies was to place some heartbreak on your end of the story, aka: the ill grandmother.

"Oh, dear I'm sorry, I hope your grandmother is able to recover before Thanksgiving."

Bingo.

"Thank you Mrs. Cullen." My lie had succeeded and hopefully her attention was diverted to my grandmother so that I could sneak in and wake Edward from what was probably a restful slumber.

"Edward isn't up yet dear, are you sure he knew you were coming this early?"

No. But he will now.

"He probably forgot," I smiled innocently, "Do you think that I could have the pleasure of waking him?"

She looked at me oddly before agreeing and side stepping away from the door to allow me space to enter their home. I suppose the look wasn't surprising, it wasn't as if many girls requested to awaken Edward. This would be a once in a lifetime opportunity and I was going to savor it.

Once I made my way to entrance of his shut bedroom door, I opened my bag and took out the necessary materials:

Water bottle? Check

Cold water and ice in water bottle? Check

Whistle? Check

Oh yes. Edward was about to have a rude awakening.

Not going to hit me with a dodge ball again huh?

I slowly and carefully opened his door, cautious not to make a sound as I avoided any squeaky floorboards.

I glanced around his room briefly, as it was my first time in the chamber. It was immaculate. The floorboards were mahogany, and I swear I could see my reflection in its shine. The fact that I was able to see the floor at all surprised me, but there wasn't a clothing article in sight. His room seemed to be organized and yet scream Edward concomitantly.

"Nice." I murmured appreciatively, tiptoeing to the side of the bed in which Edward was sprawled haphazardly, his hair in disarray

'Awww… That's kinda, sorta adorable…'

The rest of the voices sat in stunned silence. Did I just say…?

I took a deep breath and stored that odd little outburst away for further examination. There was a task to be fulfilled, and fulfilled it was going to be.

I leaned over slightly and poked his side, as his blankets were tossed to the other side of the bed carelessly.

"Wakey wakey." I cooed, he grunted and rolled to his stomach, before resuming his sleep.

I sighed and slipped one knee on the bed before reaching for the water bottle. I hissed, it's cold exterior was enough to make my hand numb. I chuckled, as I imagined his face when this water hit his nice, warm skin.

"Welcome to Bella Swan's boot camp soldier. I hope you enjoy your stay." I whispered before I slowly reached around and pulled the trigger, spraying water onto his face and arms. I was told to be an amazing multitasker, and so I blew into the whistle as I continued to soak his body with ice water.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHH! GOD ALMIGHTY!" he screamed as he fell off the bed and scrambled in terror.

I snorted. Oh yes, this was to be amusing.

I leaned over the bed to where he was cowering. I smiled and he squeaked.

I blew the whistle as hard as I could right into his ear.

"Ready to begin?" I asked as I lay down and looked down at him, with his wide green eyes and hair sticking up at all odd ends he looked to be a spooked, and somewhat electrocuted lion.

Down below, I swear I hear laughter resounding from one of the bedrooms. I'm glad that someone else was enjoying this as much as I was.

"What the hell are you doing in my house? In my room?" he sputtered shockingly as he tried to lift himself up from the half crouched position he had taken from underneath his bed.

"I told you that boot camp was to begin today? Did you forget?"

"No! I just didn't imagine it was going to begin at," He glanced at the shining green alarm clock and gaped at the blinking time, "5:30! AM?"

I just chuckled in amusement and slid off his sheets so that I could meet him eye to eye.

"Well? Are you going to get up or do I need to bring out my little friend again?"

"I'm up! I'm up!" he muttered as he stretched and groaned before fully arising.

"Good." I nodded approvingly and stepped in front of him, where I observed his attire of plaid flannel pajama pants, hung low enough to view his black boxers, and white t-shirt that was now soaked with cold water, enough, so that I could clearly make out a defined six pack.

'Whoa.'

"You're going to change right?"

"Um yes?" he told me uncertainly.

Whew. That distraction would not be helpful throughout the rest of the day. Even if he is a cocky jerk, I can appreciate a nice layout when I see one.

"Good, go do that now. Make sure you where a short sleeve shirt too." I yelled out as a reminder before he shut the bathroom door in my face.

Well, that went as well as planned. At least he didn't punch me.

I listened as the water was turned on and a shower began. While Edward took his shower to rinse off the cold he had woken up to, I decided to wander around his room, possibly study him a bit more. Over the last few days we had taken the liberty of learning as much as possible about each other so that the relationship we were aiming for looked to be natural and not stemmed off of hate or bitter rivalry.

I wasn't sure if my little stunt with the water had halted our progress or not. I wasn't sure if I cared though, because really, when was he going to let me get away with it again?

So, with that thought I slowly paced his room and studied each knickknack that was placed on shelves and bookshelves, I observed and read almost every book title on his shelf, and was pleasantly surprised to learn that he seemed to enjoy reading almost as much as me. Though the genres varied accordingly, it was still a nice trait to his character. I then moved onto his CD collection that appeared to be more of a life choice than a simple interest. His CD shelf took up practically his entire wall, and the music ranged from classical Mozart and Bach, to rock and rap.

"Impressive." I murmured to myself as I continued to read the choices.

"Glad you think so." I heard a dry sarcastic response, and whipped my head around to find Edward dressed and yet still somewhat damp as his hair was covered in little water droplets. One fell to the tip of his nose and I had an overwhelming need to wipe it away, unfortunately he swiped at it before I could even actually decide to do it.

I sighed somewhat awkwardly and swayed side to side while biting my lip nervously, now unaware of what was next on the agenda; even though I had instigated this little get together.

"What's next sergeant?" Edward asked as he crossed his arms across his chest in an offhand manner that made me want to smack the smirk off his face.

I had a better way though.

I took the water bottle and sprayed the smirk until it was a little oval of horror. Take that, cocky jerk face.

"What was that for?" he asked horrified and slightly annoyed.

"Your not allowed to look at me like that anymore. Only with looks of adoration."

"Look at you like what?!"

"Like a know it all! That's not a good boyfriend and doesn't show a healthy relationship. In order for this to work, it needs to look thriving, alive, and full of love. You want to make Tanya jealous don't you?"

"Well… yeah." He looked down, and nodded slightly before gazing up at me again with an expression of such admiration and some other unidentifiable emotion that I had to look down. I could practically feel the blush heating my cheeks and neck.

"That okay?" he asked anxiously. He really did want to make this work, and it gave me a bout of confidence. Perhaps we really could pull this off and come out alive.

"Perfect." I whispered

He nodded and looked to me accordingly for direction to what we were doing now.

"Alright, sit down in that chair and I'm just going to plug my laptop into your TV."

He looked a bit unsure, and if I was correct, frightened, but sit he did.

As I connected wires and such, so that the presentation would go smoothly, I let my mind wander. That is, until Edward started asking questions.

"So, really, how did you get in my house, let alone my room, at 5:30 am?" he seemed shocked.

"Your mother let me in." I stated matter of factly, before turning back around to face him.

"My mom? Why was she up this early?" He appeared to be curious, letting a suspicious tone enter his voice.

"Um… let's just say that you don't have to worry about there being any problems in your mom and dad's relationship any time soon." I blushed lightly and turned around again to finish the task at hand.

I received silence in return, and a slight gagging sound from the chair behind me.

Once I was finished I swiveled back to lock eyes with him quickly, silently ordering him not to move, as I backed up toward the bed to grab my supplies. Digging through my bag I found what I needed.

Tape? Check

DVD? Check

Band-aids? Check

"Okay, I think I'm ready." I smiled smugly before dumping all of the supplies down on the desk and slipping the DVD into my computer.

"What is that stuff?" I heard him ask worriedly before turning his gaze back to me from my belongings on his desk.

"Oh, just the necessary tools for part one of Boot Camp: BS style." I replied nonchalantly while beginning the DVD.

I heard a whimper in return and chuckled accordingly.

"Alright. On this DVD are pictures of Tanya Denali, golden girl of Forks High School. Each time you see her I will pull off a piece of tape. By the end of this process you should associate the image of her with pain, ergo, you won't be slobbering all over her and ruin the immaculate plan."

"Um… About that… I'm not much of a masochist." He stated as his eyes cautiously moved to the jumbo package of tape sitting ominously on the desk, taunting him quietly.

"Well, maybe this will be a good experience for you."

He laughed nervously and replied with an almost inaudible agreement.

Quietly and efficiently I applied twenty pieces of tape across his arms, ten on each side, so that he was evenly associated with pain on each arm. Then, I placed two big strips of packing tape on his legs, hearing him moan as I smoothed the suckers on.

"Ready?"

"Let's just get this over with." He whimpered slightly and shook with what I assumed was the imminent pain.

"Okay. Let's do this."

I pressed the play button and allowed the first image of Tanya Denali to slide across the screen. I held back my initial reaction of scoffing, it would be hard enough for Edward without my additional commentary.

Tanya Denali. There weren't enough words to sum her up, but the fact that whenever she was in sight, puddles began to form, was enough to sway any curiosity I had about her. It wasn't just the boys though, the girls were obsessed as well. They all had caught Denali fever, and it seemed as if the population of Forks High was going to talk about one person, it was her. It was practically vomit inducing. However, though many had fallen "in love" with her, Edward's case was more widely known. She barely paid any mind to him, and after a while, that had to hurt. With this technique, hopefully we could kill three birds with one stone, get rid of Mike, help Edward acquire Tanya, and crush her self esteem in the process.

The third part of the plan Edward was unaware of.

I paused on the picture and glanced at Edward's reaction. He was staring at Tanya with a mixture of lust and reverence, as if she were a deity sent to glorify us with her presence.

I sighed and leaned over to grab the end of the tape, Edward was so far induced in a Tanya trance he didn't even flinch when my nervous, clammy fingers gripped onto his arm.

I ripped it off quickly, just like a band-aid.

"MMF!" He yelled in pain as he shook his arm out.

"Sorry." I murmured, though really, I had no remorse. It needed to be done. Not only was it not healthy for him, but no one needed to have that type of exaltation.

The process was repeated twenty times, ten on each arm. By the time the last one was pulled, Edward flinched and turned away at the mere sight of her. Overall, I was happy about my plan, and prepared for the last step of the DVD.

Edward looked down in question at the packing tape slapped across each leg, then back up at me in terror. I couldn't blame him.

"After this we can go get some breakfast." I tried to smile convincingly, though I might have failed because I knew that this had to hurt, both physically and mentally. Not only was he having tape ripped off of him, but a girl was doing it.

Ouch.

He sighed and nodded while looking back to the TV.

"Okay, so the next two images on the TV are not going to be just pictures of Tanya, but videos. Therefore, the larger and more overpowering presence she has on the screen, the more pain, because let's face it, pictures aren't going to stop you from drooling after her."

"Alright Alright." He acquiesced.

"Here we go." I stated, I pressed the play button simultaneously.

On the TV a pre-recorded Tanya Denali stood smiling for the world to see with her pearly whites and shining golden hair, that I was sure had to be dyed.

"Hey Edward!" she smiled seductively while leaning in, "Wanna hang out later tonight? I hear you're an amazing piano player." At this point she winked and tossed her conditioned mop of hair over shoulder and smiled once more, persuasively. Her bright aqua eyes held a sort of malice in them, and I shuddered at the amount of males that had succumbed to her seduction.

I quickly averted my eyes to my patient. His pupils were dilated and glazed with wonder, and his mouth could have fit a good size steak. Before any drool droplets could float to the surface though I leaned down and gave a good yank on the tape.

"AHHHHHHH! HOLY MOTHER OF PEARL!" He screamed as he dropped to the floor in pain.

"Holy Mother of Pearl?" I questioned. His choice of words always managed to surprise me.

I only received a pained whimper in response.

Eventually he was able to pull himself into the chair once more.

"Before the last video, I have a question."

"Yes?" I was curious, and slightly afraid.

"How did you get her to do that? With my name and everything." He seemed shocked, and still in awe. I was sick to my stomach.

"I gave her a script, said I needed it done for English , bada bing bada boom." I shrugged in nonchalance, when in reality, I had been scared shitless at approaching the most wanted girl in our school. Not only was it intimidating, but embarrassing. I was sure I seemed plain compared to her overpowering beauty and stately height.

"Wow. Just for me too?" I wasn't sure, but he appeared to be grateful.

"Well, I suppose you could look at it as taking one for the team, I mean, your success is as vital as mine. I'm not that selfless." I winked and smiled playfully.

He looked relieved as he stared at me.

"What?"

"Nothing." He chuckled and turned his attention back to the screen, glowing blue as it waited for me to press the play button once more.

"Final one." I sighed and waited for three seconds for dramatic effect.

"Let's do this." His jaw was locked in a determined manner and his eyes glowed from the meager television light reflecting off of the screen. The tendons in his arms stuck out as he braced himself, and I took a deep breath to settle the nerves that had settled in the bottom of my stomach as I stared at Edward longer than necessary.

I nodded to myself and tried to shake myself out of my stupor, that I quickly convinced myself was merely out of lack of sleep from the night before.

Slowly, I pushed down on the small white triangle symbolizing the play button.

The video was the same and yet different. Tanya's attempts at seduction and wooing were tedious and all the same, the only difference was the subject at hand. Though Edward was still involved in the conversation, as it was necessary for this process to work.

Observing Edward carefully, I watched for any signs of discomfort from the lingering pain. As Tanya's face appeared and her lilting voice came into the audio I witnessed a small wince and a turn of his head, though the widening of his pupils remained, the glazed look that glossed over his eyes had dissipated to a small cloud of lust. I was positive that it still remained, Edward just had better control over it now. At that, I smiled proudly to myself.

Nearing the end of the video I reached down to grab the tape, just as her voice ceased, I ripped it quickly off of his shin. Surprisingly, it wasn't as hairy as I thought.

He gasped and whimpered, but the reaction overall was better than the first.

"Ready for waffles?" I asked meekly, stepping away slowly, just in case plans of revenge were sweeping across his mind in a windshield like fashion.

"I think I'm ready for anything other than seeing her face, duct tape, and a water bottle ever again." He answered confidently before groaning and lifting himself out of the chair of doom.

Oh what a naive little boy.

This was only the beginning.

"Remind me to get the band aids out of your room after we eat, okay?"

All I received was a look of horror and a mutter,

"At least she seems to partially care for my safety."

To me, that was progress.

**A/N: Alright. You can officially kill me, wait, no... let me finish high school first. **

**So... That wasn't "tomorrow", but to reiterate I did say I wasn't going to promise...**

**Gah, horrible excuse. I know. **

**I'm still a selfish, un-bella-ish person though! And... reviews might be... cool?**

**Awesome actually :) I understand if you're pissed though and give me the silent treatment. I _may_ survive if that happens. Seriously though, you guys are awesome. Whoever reviewed for my re-do of chapter 4, even when I hadn't updated in like, 3 months... You guys are amazing and have my utter gratitude. For that, I will let you touch Taylor's biceps once we wed ;) **

**Well, I'll be honest, I have an idea of what I want to write for Chapter 6, buuuuut... I haven't even started writing it yet, and I have a major exam coming up soon. So, I might disappear under my "Rock of Studying" for a while. Possibly, I might have time in between my sessions to write some juicy Edward stuff, because FINALLY we get to the good stuff. Back to School. **

**Hehehe...**

**How do you think they'll fair? Think they'll ruin it the first day? Edward gonna punch Mike in the face? (That would be freaking awesome wouldn't it??) Haha, if you feel like it let me know! :D**

**Wow... that was a REALLY long rant. If you didn't read it all I understand. **

**Sooo, was it good? Yes, No, Maybe, So?**

**Let me know :) Please with Taylor on top? **

**Until next time, and with much love until then,**

**Lautnerlover2 3**


	6. Chapter 6

Edward POV: Day 1- AKA Judgment Day

"_They will stop degrading us_

_They will not control us_

_We will be victorious"_

_-Muse, "Uprising"_

Today was the day. Today was the day in which we would be judged to our utmost standards. Today was the day in which everything Bella and I had dedicated ourselves to for the past five days would be torn apart in order to be examined and criticized. Today was the day where we would discover if this convoluted, intricate agreement would fair the skeptic eyes of our peers, or if we would crumble like a stale cookie under the bright, microscopic hallways of high school.

I was scared shitless

It took me thirty minutes to just choose my shirt. The process would go a little something like this:

1. Evaluate each of my shirts, hung meticulously in my closet.

2. Choose one that appeared to be a potential candidate.

3. Try it on.

4. Sweat profusely while trying to calm my palpitating heart.

5. Give myself a pep talk.

6. Look down and groan as I notice that I have perceptible pit and chest stains.

7. Repeat steps again.

Twice, frustration came close to overcoming me, as I had almost called Bella to inform her that she would have to acquire a restraining order for Newton and that I could handle admiring Tanya from afar.

Two things were preventing this from occurring though.

Number one: Admiration from afar was a hard task in itself. Though it had seemed as though I had perfected it after all these years, all it had been doing was wearing me down.

Number two: I hated to be thought of as a coward. Especially by Bella. Somehow, in the last five days that we had spent together, her opinion had begun to matter.

For these reasons I was standing awkwardly, with my ninth shirt on my back, near the west parking lot where Bella had told me she was dropped off every morning. I slowly shifted my weight to each leg as I fiddled with my worn and frayed backpack shoulder straps.

"Dude, what are you doing?"

I jumped at the unexpected presence and let out a slow breath at the realization that it was just Emmett

"Good Morning to you too. I had a great Thanksgiving break, though I have to say it's good to be back with my friends. Thanks for asking." I drawled dryly before turning back to the asphalt expanse of the parking lot.

I listened as he sight in brief humor and remained behind me.

"What exactly are you doing Emmett?"

"I could ask you the same question. Oh. Wait. I already did. All I got was sarcasm central. I thought I had the wrong number." He chuckled under his breath and swayed in good nature.

Emmett was always the easy-going friend. Our relationship was natural and unforced. No one believed that Emmett had a personality. There were only two sides of the spectrum if you were an outsider looking in, to his personality. It was either dumb as a stump in the dead of winter, or scary as hell. Some played it safe and stayed in the yellow zone, in which Emmett was dumb and because of that, scary.

Both opinions were wrong, high school kids attention spans just weren't long enough to figure that out.

Sighing, I slid my hand into my hair and tugged at individual pieces, searching for some sort of distraction before Bella arrived. The pain emanating from my scalp was welcome if it meant I didn't perspire as much as a cow in the middle of summer.

Maybe I really was a masochist…

"Hello? Earth the Edward!"

"Sorry." I exhaled and tried to shake myself of my self-induced stupor.

Before Emmett could strategize another barrage of question though, I saw the green Corolla that signaled Bella's arrival.

"Bella!" I waved my hand at her approaching figure and took the allotted time to glance over her outfit and quickly make sure that my sweat glands had not chosen to overreact yet again.

She had on a soft green shirt that oddly brought out the red tints that glinted in the sunlight, sending copper streaks through her mahogany hair. She paired the shirt with kaki pants and dark green flats. Overall, her potential had hit its mark today and suddenly I was overcome with a pride of my own. She was trying and with both of our efforts, we would succeed.

Waiting for her to cross the parking lot, I observed her uneven gait as she attempted to jog across the parking lot before any cars had the chance to accelerate around the corner. However, the gracefulness of this jog was hindered by her mountainous backpack, as each leap caused the strap of the monstrosity to slide off her shoulders. This annoyance delayed her a couple of extra seconds while she tried to resituate the strap.

I couldn't help but laugh slightly at her wheezing form as she reached me at the sidewalk.

"Yes, yes, I know, I need to do more cardio." She gasped sarcastically, bending down to rest her hands on her knees in order to catch her breath.

Unfortunately, I was learning with Bella, nothing simple was ever what it seemed. Leaning down caused the momentum of her backpack to lurch forward in the upheaval of her body. The weight of this backpack careening forward over her head elicited a large shift in balance to Bella's already handicapped equilibrium and generated the toppling of her person. Luckily, I was able to catch her before her face met the pavement.

"Um. Thanks." She mumbled quietly, her face heating in embarrassment while she swiftly disengaged herself from my arms.

I simply smiled, and stated my previous thoughts.

"You look nice."

Her head shot up quickly in surprise.

"Thanks. I had some help." She laughed softly at an unmentioned joke and shook her head.

Breathing deeply I motioned my hand around so as to turn back towards the school. On the way though, my hand hit a quivering a obstruction.

Turning to the figure, I realized Emmett had not moved from his placement behind me. In fact, it appeared as if he had seen the whole debacle and that it had served to be great humor for him. His face red with the exertion of his guffaws that were indiscreetly trying to be hidden.

"I'm glad we amuse you."

"Ed, I don't know whether you two are going to be a nuclear bomb or a nuclear power plant, but either way, you two are going to change the world." He whispered merrily.

The words echoed in my skull briefly, "either way, you two are going to change the world." Would it be for the better or worse though? Would we come out victors or losers? Or would one lose more than the other?

"Edward? Are you ready?" Bella's timid voice came from behind me and I fleetingly peeked at her figure, a blooming blush cascading across her cheeks at the notice of Emmett's presence.

"Are you?"

The question was ambiguous. It could be questioning whether or not she was ready for the day rapidly advancing upon us on the horizon, theoretically the lifting of a curtain for the start of a play. The sun becoming our spotlight, our peers morphing into our critics.

It could be asking if she was ready for the entire confusing, and potentially devastating, step-by-step process.

Either way though, her answer balanced atop of a precipice. If she answered no, everything would be worthless, like an Oreo without the cream filling. Utterly bland in its crunchy chocolate goodness.

Whether Bella knew it or not, she had become the vital part of my Oreo. Without her I would be unprofitable.

"I was born ready." She answered cheekily, playfully punching me in the arm and transferring her backpack to her other shoulder, looking blankly at the school already flooding with trout like students.

I inhaled and exhaled deeply, letting the breath be released into my core, in an attempt to relax myself.

"After you." I bowed and waved my hand in front of me, catching her light giggle as she passed me.

"So Bella," Emmett began, strolling off to her other side, "How do you know our little Eduardo?"

"His mom and mine met at the grocery store while rushing to buy last minute Thanksgiving ingredients and got to talking. We ended up having Thanksgiving together and spending more time throughout the break."

My eyes widened at her impressive lying abilities. The entire fabrication was told with such calm and authority, that if I wasn't in the know I would have believed her without a second thought.

I could tell Emmett was in awe as well, stopping to look at her, attempting to pierce through her carefully crafted façade. Bella stared right back at Emmett with a fire of determination ignited in her eyes.

"I like you." Emmett managed, smiling goofily in her direction.

"That's weird. I like you too. Good thing, because otherwise, I would have had to use my mad skills against you." She winked backed at him and moved so she was at my side.

Emmett's laughter was our opening credits to our new movie. I chuckled along with him, trying to imagine Bella with her "mad skills" against Emmett's rock like figure.

"Are you laughing at me?" Bella whispered amusedly into my ear.

"I'm laughing with you."

"Gee Edward, I wouldn't have taken you to give such a clichéd remark."

"You know what they say, can't judge a book by its cover."

"Touché." She giggled, before turning her attention to her locker, at which we had finally reached.

"We have the same lunch period right?" I asked as she immersed her small figure inside her locker.

"Yes." Her voice echoed within the confined space.

"You lose something?" I asked curiously, watching as she maneuvered her body to fit more of herself in her locker.

I had been unaware the lockers were so large.

She sighed and pulled herself out of the storage space, looking dejected.

"My favorite book for Creative Writing. We never do anything in the class, especially before and after breaks, so now I'm going to have to stare at the wall for forty five minutes." She stuck her tongue out in disgust, thinking about the boredom that would result from this.

"Or, you know, you could socialize with the people in the class. Might be fun not being a social pariah every once in a while." I joked, a small part of me hoping she would follow my advice.

"That would ruin my reputation though, and we can't have that." She smiled and I could see that the subject had been closed for now.

"Shall I walk the lady to class?" I asked in a deep voice, purposefully lightening the moment.

"I don't know…" She tapped her chin with purpose, looking deep in thought, "It could do some serious damage to my carefully crafted reputation."

I raised my eyebrows and placed my hand over my heart in a hurt expression. "I could hurt your reputation?"

"Well, we all know I'm waiting for Newton," She smirked and turned on her heels, facing the opposite direction, not before looking over her shoulder and giving me some amusement before class though, "It would be kind of sluttish if I was seen with another man." She winked before she turned the corner, and I was left to laugh heartily in her wake.

-_ - - - - - - - - - A Convoluted Perfection - - - - - - A Convoluted Perfectio__n_ - - - - - - -

Sitting in first period was odd, as my urge to look at Tanya sitting across from me had died along with the hair on my arms from that day. For this reason, I found that I had become the subject of various whispers in front of me.

"I don't think Edward has even _glanced_ at Tanya today." The girl in front of me, with and overly large head of hair claimed, with a slight hint of scandal leaking into her tone. I couldn't concentrate too much on that though, as her neon pink bow and lime green headband distracted me from her gossip.

"Wow. Should I alert the press, or did you already cover that?" Her lab partner sardonically replied, not even bothering to glance at the girl whose head more closely resembled a bird's nest than hair

Not bothering to pay any mind to her obviously annoyed partner, the unruly haired girl continued her rant of information, "I saw him with a girl this morning. They looked pretty close. You would think that if he ever got over Tanya he would move onto a prettier girl, but this one didn't compare to Edward's previous standard." She shook her head, and I was surprised when no twigs fell out. Her hair was big, but it wasn't because it was full of secrets.

I would be shocked if they found her brain somewhere in those locks.

I assumed that her lab partner either rolled her eyes, or was just flat out ignoring her at that point, so with the end of that conversation I turned my concentration to the lesson at hand.

It was interesting to see how quickly word spread around students though. Bella and I had not even begun the capital segment of our plan, and yet, our alumni had noticed the lapse in my previously determined character. It made me wonder what would happen when Bella and I actually began to "date".

Throughout the rest of the day before lunch, I discovered another shocking element that had been alluded to. I was noticed. Not as the boy who was obsessed with Tanya Denali either, but as an attractive male. Without the distraction of golden curls glinting off of the lighting of the classrooms, or a tinkling bell like laugh reverberating through my spine, I was able to absorb my surroundings more thoroughly. To this observation, I discerned a sense of female attention. I was trying to decode whether or not this attention was new, born from the fact that they had concluded that Tanya was but a distant memory in my life, or if it had always been there.

Somehow, this attention boosted my confidence. It told me that, even though Tanya hasn't noticed me yet, I have the potential for her to. If I was attractive to half the girls in tenth grade, then why couldn't I appeal to the one girl I was actually trying to woo? It was a simple logic, and suddenly with this outlook, the plan didn't feel so hopeless.

For these reasons, my overall mood had greatly improved by lunch- time, quenching my nerves with excitement.

I was so enthusiastic about life, the stale chicken nuggets and soup like rice couldn't stomp on my mood.

"Hey… What's with your face?" I sat down, only to hear this wonderful, uplifting comment.

"Nothing. Can't I smile?"

Bella chuckled and shook her head while taking a small bite of her sandwich, "I never said that. I'm just wondering why it looks like you have a plan for world domination."

"I'm just joyful about life. Is that so wrong?" Was my smile that creepy? Mom always said I had a charming smile.

"If you were so joyous, why are you getting so defensive?"

"Because you're acting like I have a parasite connected to my face, instead of just smiling."

She rolled her eyes and just smiled, "You know Edward, if it wasn't so much fun to get you riled up, I wouldn't do it so often."

I growled in irritation, but let a small, frustration filled laugh out of my clenched lips. I was unable to think of a witty reply though, as a contentious remark pummeled the light, teasing air into a broken and bruised cloud, lingering heavily in its sorrow

"What are we doing sitting over here today?"

"What the hell are you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same question. You're at our table."

I glanced around at the perpetrators of the growing hostility covering the lunch table like a parka in the middle of summer. Emmett had arrived, and so had the leggy blonde that I had seen next to Bella the day everything had spiraled into motion. Both were glaring at each other, gripping their trays like grenades.

"Rosalie, Emmett. Emmett, Rosalie." Bella's nonchalant voice rang out in the frigid air of animosity.

"Pleased."

"Likewise." My eyes widened in surprise of the chip in Emmett's usually consistent character. Normally, his cheerful demeanor could not be deterred. However, that one word had permeated opposition and rancor.

I turned to Bella, confused at what had just transpired. When I turned my attention back to her though, searching her eyes for an answer, all I received was a shrug in response.

A few seconds past in awkward silence, the leggy blonde, who I now had a name for, Rosalie, and Emmett, were eating their lunches in a vicious manner. Eating had now become second to sending malevolent submliminal messages to their opponent. Their fork pierced each piece of food with a newfound aggression, and just as they were about to place the victim of their malice in their mouth, they looked up to each other, giving a biting glare to their rival.

Luckily, this match halted when the short sprite arrived at the table. Her outfit reminded me of a candy cane, her persona of an elf. This aura seemed out of place in the dark environment that had settled itself comfortably on the table.

"Hey Bella!" She tinkled, ignoring Rosalie and Emmett altogether.

"Hi Alice," Bella smiled happily, moving over a smidge to let the tiny Alice sit between her and Rosalie, "This is Edward."

That one statement resonated meaning, down to my core. I was Edward, and because I was Edward, I was now a part of Bella's life, whether it be for odd and convoluted reasons, I had a place. This place gave me the key to other segments of her life, including friends, friends that could become mine as well. With this one statement, I liked being Edward, because Edward was important, because someone needed an Edward, and I was that Edward.

Alice turned her aqua eyes, brimming with excitement and curiosity to me, "Very pleased to meet you Edward. Bella has told me everything. I wish you the best of luck." Then she leaned into me and whispered, "May I suggest a good knuckle punch to Newton's gut, and maybe a sharp right hook to his jaw?"

I laughed boisterously at the paradox of the girl that appeared to be the epitome of innocence, asking me to use violence in my side of the deal with Bella. Not that I didn't find a kind of sick amusement in imagining Newton's face crushed beneath my fist, but I didn't think that Bella would approve, and if she was going to help me with Tanya, I would do my best to get rid of Newton without upsetting her.

"As appealing as that sounds, I don't know if Bella would approve." I grinned conspiratorially, and whispered to her, shifting my eyes to Bella's distracted figure.

Emmett and Rosalie had now taken to having a staring contest; their forks in mid air, the main line of tofu like meat dangling like Jell-O from their utensils. Bella seemed engrossed in this odd ritual, ergo my and Alice's whispers didn't appear to break through her focus on our Animal Planet duo. For some reason though, I couldn't tell if it was a mating ritual or a hunting.

"Bella is a party pooper, as you'll come to find out." Alice rolled her eyes and took a monstrous bite out of her wrap, "Hey who's that?" Her eyes narrowed significantly as she tried to swallow her bite in order for me to understand her.

"Who?" I turned around in my seat, my eyes quickly scanning over the lunchroom for her mystery person.

"The one running out the cafeteria doors! He looked at our lunch table and ran out of here like a bat out of hell." Alice muttered to herself curiously.

I delegated my attention to the double doors of the cafeteria only to find Jasper's head speed walking to the doors with a milk and sub in his hands. Unfortunately, for whatever reason Jasper did not take into account that the administrators keeping guard of the doors did not let anyone take any food outside of the cafeteria. I watched as his head bowed in what might have seemed to be disappointment to an innocent bystander, but I knew that the larger part of him was frustrated.

What is with my friends today?

"He's in my English class, I tried to talk to him today since he's always sitting in isolation and all I got was silence. He didn't even look up!" Blue flames had ignited in Alice's eyes as she described Jasper's behavior, but I was as baffled as her.

"That's Jasper, he can be quiet, but I can assure you he's never been rude like that." I frowned in response to my lack of knowledge in insight to Jasper's demeanor.

"No one ignores Alice Brandon."

At that Bella burst into laughter, it was then that I realized she had been tuned into the conversation since the Jasper crisis.

"Not everyone can handle the hurricane that is you, Alice." Bella calmly stated, putting a soothing hand on her shoulder.

"Not if I can help it." She muttered to herself. Suddenly I feared for Jasper's well being. Alice was a determined person, and now she was going to make him talk to her, whether he wanted to or not.

Bella simply shook her head in acquiescence at Alice's goals and turned to me, "So, Edward, what are you doing after school?"

"Homework." I sighed I reluctance of the amount of work teachers piled upon us as soon as break was over.

"We have a math test Friday. I probably need to study for that." Bella murmured to herself at my response of homework, "Do you want to study together?" She raised her eyebrows in question, but I could sense the ulterior motive of studying for math.

"Sure. When and what time?"

She smiled and nodded at me, answering my hidden question at her other incentive to studying for the math test.

"Tomorrow, the library?"

The library? It was a public facility though, students were there everyday, so why would she want to "study" there? Noted that the alumni that actually used the library for educational purposes was limited, but a grand majority of them found the library a preferable place to hang out. With a bulk of the population of our school at, or surrounding the library, chances were, that we would know some of them, if not most.

"I would have to check with my parents. I'll call you tonight." I would ask her on the phone what this was really about. For now though, I needed focus on another pressing matter.

Jasper and Emmett's problem with Bella's two closest friends. When I had first spotted Bella, it had been because of Emmett, he had seen Rosalie and I swear he had found her attractive. Now though, it seemed that it was the exact opposite. The same applied to Jasper, except, instead of finding her an atrocity this time, he simply ignored her. What had happened in the amount of time that passed from that day to today.

A lot.

Before I could finish this train of thought though, Rosalie's screeching voice pulled me from the deep abyss of pondering.

"You are so infuriating!" My eyes widened in shock as she slammed her manicured hand on the stained lunch table, leaning into Emmett's face, her face red with rage, eyes flaring with indignation.

Emmett's jaw tightened and his brown eyes morphed into steel, matching Rosalie's position, "Listen, if I was to look up the definition of infuriating in Webster's, I would see a picture of you!"

All Rosalie had in retort was a growl, deep enough to make me shrink in my seat.

Emmett stood his ground.

Rosalie jumped from the table and strutted out the door, hands tearing at her hair in what I assumed was frustration and anger.

Emmett stayed frozen in his seat for a count of two minutes until he randomly burst from his as well, making his way to the door, taking the same path as his verbal sparring partner. Muttering something along the lines of, "girls, the necessary evil of the world."

I hadn't heard a truer statement before that.

"Well, I'm going to go see what was up Rosalie's ass." Alice popped up gracefully and danced to the door.

Now it was just Bella and I.

"So…Wow." I didn't really have words for what had just transpired, but the awkward silence hovering above us was like Chinese water torture.

"It seems our friends are having trouble expressing their emotions." She laughed quietly and sighed, leaning back slightly in a defeated manner.

"What are you talking about?"

"Obviously, Rosalie and Emmett like each other."

That couldn't have been more starkly opposite than what I had just observed, "It looked like they were about to cut the other's head off and then stake it on a stick to cook in a fiery pit of death!"

She laughed loudly, "You're such a drama queen! They probably just had a small misunderstanding that escalated with each of their big personalities. They are definitely attracted to each other though."

"How can you tell?" Now I was interested in this new development to the reason behind the event that had just occurred. I rested my elbows on the table and inclined my body closer to hers.

"Well, I don't know much about Emmett, but I know with Rosalie, that she never gets this fired up over a dispute. She's almost scary in her calm anger. Seeing her like this was the first hint. Then, the two of them would not stop staring at each other. Granted, it was glaring, but if you're mad at someone, you don't stare that much."

Looking at the situation from that perspective, the puzzle pieces slowly slid into place.

"Why go to all that trouble if you find someone attractive though, and the feeling is mutual?"

"One of the mysteries of love I guess. Kind of makes it perfect though, don't you think? The fact that we can't understand it, makes it desirable."

"Yeah, I suppose it is."

I looked over into the distance, thinking about this utterly true statement. Not many people fell in love with a person they understood everything about. The appeal was finding out all of this information, admiring from afar, appreciating the mystery of each and every one of their actions. What Bella had just vocalized explained the saying, opposites attract. Opposites wouldn't know anything about the other, ergo the attraction. Was that what my attraction to Tanya was though?

I didn't have time to think this sudden, overwhelming thought though, because when the lunchroom came back into my focus, I was met with one pair of blue eyes that I would know from anywhere.

Tanya's eyes.

There she was. Staring at me for the first time since I had sprayed water down the front of her shirt last year. Her eyes were an intense blue, hard like the frost sealed against my window in the dead of winter. It appeared as if her glare was boring through my skull, into the person next to me. I turned and glanced quickly at my partner. It was Bella, mindlessly eating her lunch, unbeknownst to her, it seemed she had acquired an enemy.

Maybe it was just a trick of the light, but Tanya's perfect alabaster skin already hinted an underlying green, bubbling up beneath her pores. Her eyes were glowing with an unknown fervor as her friend Kate whispered something in her ear, she nodded and turned her flashing eyes to appraise me. She smiled to herself and waved slightly in my direction.

"Edward. Duct tape, band aids, and really cold water." I felt Bella smirk into my ear.

I chuckled lightly to myself and diverted my attention back to her.

It was miraculous what boot camp could do.

I did have one more urgent issue to deal with though, allowing me to appreciate Bella's distraction from Tanya.

"Bella?"

"Yeah?"

"We have a math test Friday?"

The last thing I heard before the bell rang, signaling the end of lunch, was her deep resonating laughter.

The last thing I saw before everyone crowded the doorways, leading to the outside of the cafeteria, was Tanya's frost colored eyes, glaring with an intensity that could freeze hell over, right at Bella.

**A/N: ... no words can express how sorry I am. I absolutely HATE it when one of the authors of my stories goes way past the date he or she said they were going to update. Which is exactly what I did.**

**Basically, writers block sucks. I had what I thought was the whole thing written, and then once I typed it, I didn't get that complete feeling. So, I kept on writing until I didn't know what else to write! The only problem with that is that I still didn't have that feeling that I need in order to feel comfortable submitting a chapter. So, for my OCD-ness I apologize :( Hopefully, with the start of summer I can get more updates out, but I do have summer work (A lot of it :P) so it might not be as fast as you would think, or I would like.**

**So, hopefully you enjoy this chapter because it's one of my favorites, and once I got in the swing it was so much fun to write :)**

**Hopefully, we'll be talking soon again, maybe through some wonderful reviews? It would be better than a pissed, hot and bothered Rosalie, a confused Emmett, a frustrated Jasper and a determined Alice! ;)**

**Love,**

**Lautnerlover2**


	7. Chapter 7

Jealousy can be a powerful tool. Since human nature is innately selfish, the very belief that someone has something that you don't have can be utterly maddening. I used this characteristic to my advantage. And I used it well.

I knew Tanya was glaring at the back of my head, and it was not because it was "ridiculous". I just didn't know how quickly my plan would begin to unfold. I thought she would at least attempt to appear unruffled by her #1 Fan's blatant disinterest in her. However, what I didn't take into consideration was that Tanya Denali never got rejected. She was the alpha, and no one would leave until she said so.

Except Edward.

And it was because of me.

When Edward and I began our trek into the treacherous hallways of high school, I felt confident. Our boot camp had gone particularly well and I had our story sealed airtight. I had even gone to the painstaking measures of watching several romantic comedies over the weekend to perfect our cliché transformation from friends to lovers.

At this point, I was pretty sure they could sign me up for the next Nicholas Sparks movie.

As lunch rolled around, I had heard a few whispers here and there about Edward's metamorphosis from pathetic to incredibly attractive, and maybe even available.

"This is insane. Pure insanity. It's like our school is a beehive of superficial honey bees." Alice crooned to me during second hour.

"I know. All we did was walk into school together. Nothing works better than a change in the status quo to get the ball rolling though I suppose."

"You're telling me! You know, it might also have something to do with the fact that you're not wearing jeans and a sweatshirt today too…" she smirked sideways at me and trailed off at the end of her sentence, waiting for my reply.

I rolled my eyes, "Yes Alice, you hit that one on the mark for sure."

"You can thank me later."

I sighed in neutrality at her statement and continued to copy down vocabulary from the board.

"If you keep rolling your eyes like that, one day they'll be perpetually looking upwards."

"I wasn't rolling my eyes, I just wanted to look at the ceiling briefly."

She chuckled in response and shook her head.

"Plus, if I had to continually look upwards, I would never see your beautiful face again."

I watched out of my peripheral vision as her mirth dissipated and she slowly turned her head to glare at me.

"That was funny and you know it."

"Har dee har har. I'm laughing so hard."

I quickly glanced over at Alice and noticed her attention directed diagonally across the classroom at a blonde haired boy.

He was looking at her too.

Or maybe he was looking at both of us; we did tend to get a tad rowdy together.

Alice's eyebrows were furrowed as she continued to look in his direction, however he had already turned around, his neck flaming a red blush.

"You okay there?" I whispered

"Hm? Oh. Yeah. Fine. Who is that? I've never seen him before…"

I discreetly glanced over in his direction again, attempting to get a better look at his face. His shoulders were tense and curled as he furiously wrote down the information on the board, his head only bobbing up to see what else he was required to write.

"I have no clue. Why don't you ask him for his name after class Sherlock?"

"Maybe I will."

I laughed lightly in response. When Alice wanted something, she would get it, no matter what.

I glanced over at the stiff Blondie once more; his back was straight and alert, as if he felt a potential danger. My eyes narrowed as I observed his head tilt sideways slightly, his eyes darting to our side of the room, and when his eyes met Alice's, they widened in shock and perhaps a bit of horror.

I turned to Alice quickly.

She was smirking.

And that was when my life turned into a soap opera.

* * *

As lunch approached, I was looking forward to meeting up with Edward. And getting away from Alice. If I had to hear about that guy from second hour one more time, I might just cut someone. Seriously.

I had two things on my mind, escaping Mike Newton and ruining Tanya Denali's life. For a short while at least, since I knew the end result of this little adventure would grant both she and Edward their Happily Ever After.

My stomach clenched uncomfortably at that thought. I winced, unsure of the cause, I hadn't even ventured into the lunchroom yet, my stomach couldn't possibly be upset at this point in the day. Maybe it was the stress of the situation itself. I had never partaken in something so convoluted. I honestly felt as though my life had taken a sharp turn down soap opera lane, and we hadn't even reached the stage at which we were "dating" yet. At this thought, I felt my eyebrows furrow. I had never dated anyone before, and even though the premise itself was fictional, how would I make it look realistic? Would we need to make out in the middle of the crowded hallways? Would I have to become one of those girls who would passionately run through the throng of people as soon as the bell rung, desperately searching for my other half?

And then came the other issue. If we were to feel the need to kiss in front of others to provide evidence of our authentic relationship, I was screwed.

I had never been kissed.

And I certainly was not going to be telling Edward that.

And so, this whirlwind of thoughts ravaged my sanity, until I plopped down across from Edward come 11:30. Lunchtime.

And if I thought things couldn't get any weirder and tangled, I discovered that Rosalie and Emmett suffered from an affliction I like to call, "Stupidity". Watching them rip into each other, or rather their lunches while glaring at one another, had to have been the most fascinating event. To be honest, I didn't know if it was more amusing to watch them, or watch Edward watch them. He looked scared shitless of Rosalie. And when they finally marched out of the lunchroom, steaming with anger, and honestly appearing as mating gorillas, I chuckled lightly to myself. This could get interesting.

And then Blondie walked into the lunchroom. Although, I shouldn't have been surprised when Blondie was actually Jasper, and Jasper was a good friend with Edward.

I thought Alice was going to pop her lid. She got that crazy look in her eye, and I knew that if Jasper wasn't already frightened, he would be very soon.

He should not have ignored Alice Brandon.

And so, when lunch finally came to a close and I felt Tanya Denali's eyes on the back of my head, and Edward's face looked as though he might shit a brick, I knew things were about to get a hell of a lot more interesting. And I mean, spanish soap opera interesting.

To Tanya Denali, I raise you a "Bring it bitch."

* * *

Asking my mother to bring me to the library was a bad idea. I should have just walked.

"Who was that boy waiting for you outside of school this morning?"

"Are you meeting him here?"

"Are you dating him?"

"He's cute."

"How about the boy standing next to him?"

"Are you dating him?"

"Are you dating both of them?"  
"DEAR GOD MOTHER. NO. I AM NOT DATING EITHER OF THEM." My eyes were bulging and I'm pretty sure a vein in my neck was as well. I could feel a nervous sweat break out against my neck and I placed a clammy hand against my heart to attempt to calm its sprint within my chest. We were barely to the end of my street.

"And if you don't stop with these questions, I might need to stop at the ER first. You're giving me heart palpitations."

She looked over at me skeptically.

"EYES ON THE ROAD PLEASE."

"Oh calm down Bella, goodness, I don't know where you get this attitude disposition from."

I attempted to take a deep calming breath.

"So, who were they?"

"Edward and Emmett."

"Edward Cullen? Esme Cullen's boy? The one from elementary school?"

"Yes."

"Well, he's matured quite well. Wouldn't you agree?" She winked at me.

Winked.

Dear me.

"I guess so."

"Oh Bella, you're blushing! That IS who you're meeting isn't it? How adorable! Of course your father isn't going to like it very much, but we won't let him spoil this for us…"  
"Um. What? Us? No. Mom, I just told you I wasn't dating him. We're just friends."

"Okay darling." She was smirking.

All I could do was sigh.

I knew I should have walked.

After nearly suffering from a panic attack on the way to the library, it was a relief to arrive on the brick entryway and breathe in the tantalizing scent of books and academia. I closed my eyes and let myself relax for a moment before entering the establishment. I quickly glanced around, searching to see if Edward had arrived yet, and coming up empty in my search, I maneuvered my backpack to my other shoulder and trekked to one of the desolate study rooms. Sitting in one of the wooden chairs, I deftly took out all of the materials and my cell.

"Hello?"

"Where are you?"

"Just hold on a sec." He growled into the phone. My ears strained as I listened to his voice snap further away from the phone. _Mom, stop. No! The library! To study! You're so funny. No. Really. Can you please just drive? She's waiting for me. I-I- I mean he. No. Oh god. Fine. Bella. Yes, yes Bella Swan. Listen, she's on the phone right now. Well if you could just hold on a second I would stop being rude! Alright. Sorry._

"Hi."

All he got in reply was laughter.

"I'll see you in a second I guess." I chuckled out.

"Hilarious. Yeah, see you in a sec."

"I'm in a study room."

"Okay."

I guess we both should have walked.

I looked up from my math to see an Edward in a disarrayed state. His moppy head of hair was in every direction and his eyes were full of crazy.

"You ready for that math test?"

His chest heaved.

I leaned across the table and looked him in the eyes. His really really green eyes. I grabbed his chin, softly and spoke calmly, "Listen. If this starts to get too hard, we can always just stop. We haven't made it seem like we're dating yet, it would be easy to just slip into a close friendship and quit the rest of the plan. I'm not going to keep doing this if it makes us crazy like this. I mean, think, this is day one. What about day thirty? Or day forty-five? I just want you to know, I'm in this for both of us. Not just for me, okay?" I watched as his breathing slowed and his eyes grew softer as the crazy dissipated. He smiled. His face glowed and I could feel my own lips slip into a smile of their own.

"I'm in it to win it."

I chuckled, "Then let's do this bro."

As all of this transpired, and we sat there just being quiet and smiling at one another, I never let go of his face.

And he never asked me to.

* * *

"You looked nice today."

I glanced upward at his face smiling at me.

"Thanks?" I laughed a little and thought about what this morning had brought with it. The day, in all honesty, had started off as a tornado of emotion and activity. I had woken up to Alice standing over me, her eyes bright with excitement and secrets that I wasn't sure if I wanted to know about.

_"What the hell?"_

_"Sunshine!"_

_I sighed at her ridiculous nickname for me._

_"What are you doing here Alice?"_

_"Helping you get ready for school, duh."_

_"I don't need help."_

_"It is the first day of the wondrous plan, that may add, I came up with. I think I have a right to help you look absolutely fabulous. Not that you don't always look pretty fabulous, but I mean, today we need to kick it up a notch. Make people notice you."_

_I stared upward at her, not having left my bed yet._

_"Do it for Edward. Think of the sad little puppy eyes he would have if you showed up and didn't hold up your side of the bargain to make Tanya Denali incredibly jealous and love him forever?"_

_That was the first time I felt that strange clenching within the pit of my stomach._

_"Yeah, yeah, yeah." And then I heaved myself out of bed and let her pick out my outfit._

_"I hope this isn't an every day thing you've started." I shouted from the shower_

_"We'll see. I don't know if I can get myself out of bed that early every day."_

_I laughed and sighed in relief._

"You looked nice too. Confidence is a good replacement for love-sick stupidity."

"I thought so too."

We both laughed.

"So, what's next? When are moving into stage two?"

"Well, I figure we have to make it look as realistic as possible, so give our friendship a good month and then we'll move into dating."

"A month? That's a long time."

"Edward, you have two more years in high school to date and love on Tanya Denali. I think you can survive one month of being my friend and then a good five months of being my doting and loving boyfriend."

"Five months. Wow. You really have this all panned out."  
"Well, I give it five months before Tanya attempts to really get you to make out with her and cheat on me. Honestly, it could be before then. Who really knows. I mean, did you see her face today? The first day and she could hardly stand it."

"I know. I think I'm in shock. And a little worried for you."

"Don't be. I'll be fine. And this just shows that she really does notice you. She just couldn't get past her pride to show it before. Now, you have an upper hand."

"We both do."

"Yeah? And how do you figure that?"  
"We have each other now."

And that was when I realized Edward Cullen and I weren't just fake friends, we were real friends, and alliances. That was when I realized that I wasn't alone.

"And Mike? Did he talk to you today?"

"Nah. He never really talks to me per say. Just some really creepy staring. But he wasn't at lunch today, so it's a start?"

"Well, I'll step it up in the classes I have with him. You know, to hold up my side of the deal."

"Step it up?"

He laughed boisterously, "Just trust me."

"It's only been one day. I don't know how far my trust goes." I smirked upwards at him, and only slightly stared at his face, glowing from a not so creepy smile.

"Bella, it's been eight years. Today only marks an official date of publicly admitting we may in fact like each other."

I laughed in return with him, though my laugh was slightly softer and only a tad paranoid. Because I wasn't stupid. I knew that I had liked him before we started to really get to know each other a week ago. And if I had liked him then, then I was screwed. Because hanging out with him, and touching his face, and looking into his eyes full of crazy, and listening to him tell me that we were in this together, were only going to make these stupid feelings grow. And that was something that I did not want. At all.

Because then, I would be the one wearing the pathetic love-sick stupidity costume. And stupidity just did not mix well with my complexion.

And neither did love.

Let's just add Edward Cullen in there for good measure.

**Um. Okay. So. Two years. Wow.**

**So so so sorry. To any of you who are still out there. I don't know if I can apologize enough. I have all intentions of finishing this story because it's so much fun to write. However, finding the time to finish this while attempting to work through high school and AP courses is another story. But. Happy news, I graduated! So, I really really hope that means my brain will recover from the stifling institution I like to call school and my creativity will come back.**

**If you still love me, review? I completely understand if you don't. **

**Thank you for reading. I love you all. **


	8. Chapter 8

Waking up in the mornings was so much easier without the strain of whether or not our plan would work splendidly. With an affirmation that we could pull it off the first day, I found it easier to wake up, get dressed, and enjoy the company of my friends. Especially Bella. Now one month into our master plan, I found myself wondering why I hadn't talked to her before, why our paths hadn't crossed earlier.

Well, I mean, technically they had crossed, just with a dodge ball as a third wheel.

With the arrival of December, I discovered new gifts every day, such as Tanya glancing over my way and attempting to hold my eye for more than a few seconds. I always turned away, and if Bella was near I would focus my attention upon her, but the very concept that Tanya Denali would want to lock eyes with me was groundbreaking, and to be perfectly honest, kind of made me want to pee my pants a little. That awful "boot camp" was still burned in the back of my mind, or should I say my hair follicles in my arms and legs. And when I would turn back to Bella, I would see her eyes glowing with a happiness and liveliness that I don't know if anyone could replicate. My innards would curl into a warm ball, and leave my gut feeling pleasantly comforted as my own mouth transformed into a secret smile.

Not that I found that feeling problematic. Actually, it was a slight problem.

Well, maybe it was more than a slight problem. To be honest, it could potentially be a large problem. Bella was not supposed to be attractive, or make my stomach feel like I just drank a large cup of hot chocolate and it all settled in the pit of my stomach. This was all supposed to be pretend.

Except now I had to pretend that I didn't like Bella like that.

This was all so convoluted…

"Hello? Edward!" I heard snapping in front of my face and shook my head to empty the troubling thoughts that began circulating within my head.

"Hm?" I looked to see Jasper standing in front of me with a scowl painted across his face and arms crossed across his chest. The tapping of his foot on the tile of my kitchen floor broke the macho façade though.

"I've been talking to you for three minutes and you haven't lost that cloudy look in your eye the whole time. This project is really important. It's our semester grade."

"I know, I know."

"Okay!" He sighed and plopped his ass down on one of the kitchen stools on the other side of my island and took out his binder with Sociology scrolled across the front. "So the Marriage and Family project has to reflect our ideas of the perfect partner according to our personality and what we're looking for in a partner to complement our attributes…"

"Yes. Why don't you go interview Alice as a potential candidate for your future spouse?"

Jasper whipped his head up; so quickly I don't know how he didn't receive whiplash, "Excuse me? I don't like Alice. I don't know where you and Bella get off inferring that I do. She's the one that talks to me. I-I… Why do you do this?" During this rant of denial, his face had acquired a certain shade of red as he continued to bluster on and on about how he didn't have a thing for Alice.

I could feel a smirk rising and I tried to squelch it before Jasper got even more angry and left, but it was unstoppable, and by the time Jasper had gathered enough composure to look up, my whole face had broken into a Grinch grin and I knew that's what Bella had meant when she had asked that first day what was wrong with my face.

Jasper's eye twitched as his arms bent to lift himself off the table and leave.

"No! Wait! I'm sorry! I know how you get about that. But you have to admit, you did think she was cute when I first scouted out Bella."

I watched as a flitter of emotions scattered across Jasper's expression, then finally he settled on a coy smile and settled back down into his seat as I breathed a sigh of relief, "Yes. Bella, your good friend Bella."

Oh god. What did I just open?

"Yes, yes Bella is a good friend. One might even say I consider her my best friend." I rolled my eyes and attempted to bury my head in my backpack as I went under the ruse of searching for my own Sociology notebook. When I came back up for air though, Jasper was still sitting there, head propped up by one of his hands and slightly tilted to the side. Just smiling.

Smiling like a man who had just won a battle.

Damn it. Why did I keep letting stuff like this happen?

"What?"

"Oh nothing. I was just thinking about your conversation with Mike Newton the other day." His head tilted a little more to the side in mock curiosity, "do you ever just think about that conversation?"

Yes.

But I was not going to admit this to him, "Why would I do that? It was a conversation. That's what normal people do Jasper; they don't just walk into the lunchroom and run out when they see a person. Not that you would know anyone that did that." My eyes glared into his, daring him to try and make another move.

"So, Sociology," Jasper muttered as he put his head back into his book and surrendered the losing battle.

Now I was thinking about the little conversation I had with Mike though. And it would not get out of my head, so I let myself slink into a vacant state and relive a glorified moment in my adolescent hood.

_I had sauntered into third period feeling more confident than I had in a long time; I only had to change my outfit once that morning and Bella and I had turned some more heads as we walked into the school together and concomitantly to her locker. Bella was regaling me with an animated story of her mother attempting to ease her father into the possibility that Bella may soon have a boyfriend. The story involved some mustache twitching and an extra pie for dessert, and eventually my gut clenching laughter as she retold the entire event. _

_It wasn't hard to act in love with Bella Swan._

_Love?_

_I'll reflect on that later…_

_Walking into third period with Jasper by my side, I glanced over and noticed Newton in the seat next to me, which reminded me of my promise to Bella. She was helping tremendously on her side of the deal, the least I could do was get rid of this scumbag. _

"_Hey Newton!" I cajoled cheerfully, noticing with mirth as he minutely jumped in his seat as he turned to face my greeting._

"_Hey Edward, what's up?" _

"_Nothing much, just wondering if you got the notes from yesterday, I think I missed a slide," I claimed nonchalantly._

"_Oh. Yeah. Here," He tossed his notebook at my desk and I caught it from sliding across my desk with one hand, "Thanks man," I smiled dashingly and turned pointedly towards Jasper._

"_So, Bella and I hung out at the library yesterday for around four hours. I really think something is going to come out of it. She seems into me, and I like her. I mean, you should have seen her yesterday man, she touched my face," I was looking at Jasper, but I was remembering the way her hand had cradled my head as she talked me off the metaphorical edge. _

"_Um. Good for you man…" Jasper replied hesitantly as he searched my face for any sign of sarcasm or delusion. _

"_I'd give it about a month before I ask her out. But it's definitely going to happen," And at that statement I turned around and gave Mike his notebook back, only to find him hanging off his seat in anticipation of my next sentence. _

"_Here you go," I tossed it back to him and watched with glee as it slid right off his desk, as he continued to stare at me, his eyebrows puckered and mouth a tad slack with shock. _

"_I- I uh- I thought you needed it to copy down notes from yesterday?"_

"_Oh. Yeah I forgot that Bella gave them to me yesterday at the library. But thanks anyways," Before my smile could give me away I turned towards the front of the room and silently cheered as I could feel his eyes on me, searching desperately for a lie. _

"_Yeah. No problem." I heard muttered_

_But in my mind, I replaced that reply with a surrender. And if Mike Newton ever decided to pull a Germany, I would show no mercy. _

"Man. I don't know where you are, but could you come back to reality so I can go home and eat dinner. My mom is going to kill me if I'm late…"

"Yeah, yeah sorry," I chuckled in vague amusement that always appeared after I replayed that splendid moment in my mind.

Jasper's head was in his hands as they clenched and unclenched within the roots of his hair and his left foot irritatingly tapped at the wooden hinge of one of my kitchen chairs, "What's wrong?"

"What? Nothing, I'm just stressed about finishing this report. I don't even know what classes I'm going to take next year, how am I supposed to make a decision about what kind of person I want to spend the rest of my life with?"

"Is this really what's bothering you, or is it the Alice comment I made earlier? I'm sorry, I didn't know it upset you so much." I slapped a hand over his shoulder in an attempt at comfort, though I don't know how much that provided.

Over the past month, not only had mine and Bella's relationship progressed, but also Jasper and Alice's and Rosalie and Emmet's. Although in terms of progression neither really made any leaps and bounds.

For Jasper and Alice, progression was displayed through his appearance at lunch and Alice talking to his "deer in a headlight" look throughout the time allotted. However, within the recent weeks, Alice had taken to simply sitting and talking to Bella, Rosalie, and I instead of wasting efforts on Jasper's supposed damaged psyche. Nevertheless, this method appeared to have the opposite affect. In the past few weeks, Jasper has gone through more mood swings than a PMSing woman.

Rosalie and Emmett's situation does not exemplify a-typical results of progression either though. Nonetheless, I'll accept anything but the terrifying ritual of pretending their food was the other's skull and maiming it until their cries were muffled in their fangs. Now, lunch consists of Emmett loudly complaining about Rosalie which she returns with an equally boisterous agreement that Emmett is "the most disgusting creature to ever crawl the face of the earth". However, her best insult was just as he was leaving the table one afternoon, with a chillingly cheerful voice calling after him, "Leaving so soon? I was just about to poison your milk."

Honestly, in the moment, I didn't know whether to laugh or to shit my pants.

I chose to laugh with a hint of fear in the back of my throat.

Jasper sighed and looked up at me, his eyes were stormy with conflicting emotions and the line between his eyebrows deepened as he stared at me, "It's not Alice," and with that not-at-all-vague statement he picked up his backpack and left the room.

When I heard the door shut I yelled out to the empty space, "OKAY?"

* * *

Having my nightly chats on the phone with Bella usually tied with Tanya Denali attempting to get my attention.

"Hey poodle-bear, what's going on?"

"You're not going to call me 'poodle-bear', Bella. I don't even know what that is. Do _you_ even know what that is?" I sighed frustratingly into the phone, even though I was secretly smothering a smile.

"You're smiling right now, I don't know why you pretend to be annoyed with these adorable pet names I totally come up with on the spot."

"Whatever you want to delude yourself in, don't involve me," I feel my shoulders loosen and my face relax into a smile as I curl myself around the phone and log into my facebook.

"Whatever cheesepuff. Did you see Tanya today? God, if she tried any harder, her cleavage would have been on the table right in front of you."

I attempted to muffle back a guffaw, but it didn't work.

"No, I didn't see her. My arms and legs get a strange, painful feeling within their very core when I stare at her face for a long period of time."

"Sounds serious pookie-lou,"

"Seriously, _where_ are you coming up with these?"

"I have a vast intellect and many layers butterball."

"I have no doubt that you do."

I lean back in my chair and look at the two tabs I have open, one on Tanya's profile, another on Bella's.

It appears my screen is divided.

I move my mouse over the red exit button upon one tab, and I waver as I eventually apply enough pressure upon my mouse to delete the page, and now as Bella talks about more details of the plan, and her day, and Jasper and Alice and Emmett and Rosalie, I only see Tanya Denali staring back at me.

I don't know why I suddenly feel deflated, but I decide to pretend the feeling doesn't exist and go on with my decided plan of action.

**So, not as long of a wait... **

**I really hope you enjoy this chapter, I loved writing it, I think Edward is so fun. And I hoped you enjoyed the little Jasper/Edward bromance and insight into the R/E and J/A progression. We'll be more focused on B/E next chapter!**

**Review? :)**


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